Nomad
by DanishNomad
Summary: A girl moves into a rented house in La Push after a life moving from place to place and meets her neighbors at a beach bonfire. Unaware of the supernatural world, she is in for a surprise and a complicated life when a wolf imprints on her. Will she finally settle down and let people come close? First fanfic ever, M-for later chapters J B Parring Main Character not from twilight.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do NOT own anything to do with the Twilight world! I only get to play with the characters with no financial benefit from it what so ever. All rights to Stephanie Meyer! Only the story's plot is created by me. **Please be gentle if reviewing, This is my first ever story! but nevertheless please R and R**

 **Nomad** Chapter One

"This isn't so bad…is it?" I looked around the house I had just rented. I wasn't much, but lets be honest, I'd lived in worse. I stood in the empty living room, which had an open kitchen joining so it was one room. Next to the half wall that was the only thing separating the kitchen and the living room was a set of very steep stairs, which was actually the reason I'd gotten the house in the first place. Up the stairs was the loft, which was converted into a bedroom with a balcony.

I hadn't actually seen the house in real life before agreeing to rent it, just pictures in a newspaper. I called the landlord and got a really nice man on the phone. He said his name was Billy Black, and that he'd inherited the house from a family friend so it wasn't furnished but he had some spare furniture if I was interested. Couldn't deny I was. I was from Scandinavia and had been living first across England, and then America and Canada, basically as a nomad since I was 17. Until now it hadn't bothered me that I didn't even own a bed… bothered might have been a strong word, it was just inconvenient. Mr. Black was going to come over later with a mattress, for which I was grateful. I had never been to La Push before, so I had no idea where to start looking for furniture.

Well, here I was. In my new house. Holy shit… I'd never rented a house before. I usually befriended people and then lived with them or lived in my truck, and to be honest, having an address for the first time in years was kind of frightening. But also very nice… I had a home now. And I had to go to school in Port Angeles, which was a bit of a drive, but I didn't mind, it was only 3 times a week anyway. I had commitments, and that was an unknown territory. Luckily I had a ton of money so I didn't have to worry too much about getting a job. That was the beauty of being a nomad. Taxes and rent didn't eat up what bit money you came by, plus I inherited a bucket load from my mum when she died.

I walked over to the stairs and climbed up. The room was bigger than I had thought, and I could easily stand up straight without hitting the ceiling. I went over to the glass door that opened up to the balcony that was facing the front of the house, and went outside. "Waw…" I thought to myself. The view was great from here. It reminded me of the forests in Denmark where I grew up, and the unsettled feeling in my stomach instantly calmed. I made the right decision to come here. I looked up the road as I heard a car coming towards my secluded house, and went downstairs to open the front door.

"Hi, you must be Ms. Charles," said the man in front of me in a wheelchair with a nice smile. I instantly liked him.

"Yeah, you can just call me Nica… Its short for Annica, and you must be Mr. Black," I answered, and then looked up at the incredibly handsome guy behind him. The guy smiled just like Mr. Black, but looked like I had said something funny.

"Oh please, just call me Billy. Mr. Black was my father," Billy grinned and I understood why the guy behind him was laughing.

"This is my son Jacob, he's here to help carry the mattress in for me, cause as you can see, I'm not very mobile myself," he continued, and made his point by padding his wheelchair wit his right hand.

"Oh, yeah… that's great, I'm not sure I would have been able to handle it by myself" I chuckled, smiling at Billy. He had the kindest eyes I'd seen in a long time.

Jacob had gone to get the mattress and carried it by himself towards my house. "Shouldn't I help you?" I asked feeling rude for not just jumping in to grab it.

"No no, don't worry about it," Jacob said smiling while carrying it effortlessly. I took a moment to really look at him. He was so hot I felt my cheeks color and suddenly felt out of place and awkward. His hair was dark and cropped with a little hair product in, and he wore dark jeans and a grey t-shirt, that looked stretched over his shoulders and chest. I turned my attention to Billy, whom I kind of got the feeling had caught me starring at his son. Surely he was used to it. I mean…come on… that must happen all the time considering how hot Jacob was.

"Thank you for bringing it over, I really appreciate it Billy," I said smiling.

"Don't worry about it Nica. I got the feeling you didn't have that much furniture, so it's the least I can do," he said, just as Jacob came outside again.

"You can say that again Dad, the mattress is the only thing in there, haha" he laughed. I looked at his face for a hint of mocking or anything like it, but only saw the same kindness his dad shone.

"Well, yeah… I haven't actually had any place for furniture in a while." I answered a bit embarrassed. Billy looked up at Jacob who nodded knowingly and then back at me.

"We're having a bonfire tonight at the beach, why don't you come and meet some of your new neighbors?" Billy asked, and when I didn't answer at first, being a bit taken back, he continued, "There's going to be girls there, your age as well?" It was really nice of him to invite me, I just didn't know if I should go. My plan was actually to just stay here until I got my degree in fine arts and then move on again, and I knew getting people close wasn't always a great idea. I could tell they liked me just like I did them, and who knows, maybe I liked it here and I'd actually stay longer and grow some roots. It would be a first but everything was possible…right?

"I wouldn't want to intrude," I finally said.

"You would be intruding, it's just a casual get-together, nothing serious." Billy said and I realized I actually wanted to go now.

"It does sound nice… sure I'll go. I'm just not sure where it is?"

"Jacob can come by and pick you up before it starts, and this way you don't have to worry about food tonight either, there'll be plenty there." I felt a bit anxious. Should I bring anything? What do you bring to a bonfire? Marshmallows?

"Should I bring anything?" I asked already thinking about where I'd seen the nip-in when driving here.

"Just your beautiful self and a smile," Jacob said before his dad could say anything, and sent me a smile I swear could melt the entire island of Greenland. I got lost in it for a split-second and then realized he had just called me beautiful. God this guy was good, I thought.

"Heh, sure… I can do that." I said and waved goodbye as they went to the car to leave.

"I'll be here at 7.30," Jacob called back from his side of the car and got inside it. A minute later they were driving down the road again, away from my house.

I went to my room a few minutes later to go though my bags with my stuff. I found some clothes and went down to the bathroom and looked in the mirror I was grateful for having been left behind. I looked a mess. How could Jacob call me beautiful? My blue eyes looked tired and darker than usually, and my blonde hair was all over the place. It was a moment where I wasn't so thankful for my slightly wavy hair. Normally it would frame my face really nicely and have a look that kind of said; I curled it yesterday in true Hollywood fashion and now they have just fallen out a bit. It looked and was natural. I left my new picked outfit in the bathroom and went upstairs to have a nap. It was only half past two so I had plenty of time to have a catnap and get ready. I took my faithful blanket from one of my bags, grabbed a sweater to use as my pillow, and fell asleep quickly.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two – bonfire, couples and eyes

I woke around 6 pm and went downstairs to shower and get ready. When it was 7.15 I looked at myself in the mirror and was pleased. I had chosen a casual outfit made out of black skinny jeans, a big thick grey knitted cardigan to put over my white loose fitted t-shirt that had the words written with black: "your secret's safe with me and my best friend" on it and tucked into the rem of my jeans. I had put on my burgundy converse shoes and my hair was loose and slightly curly. After applying make up I though I looked alright. Casual but cute.

I heard a knock on the door, grabbed my bag and went to open it. Jacob was wearing almost the same thing as earlier but with a black t-shirt instead of the grey, and Ray Ban sunglasses on. He smiled at me and said: "Hey, I see you took what I said seriously!" I instantly thought: oh god, were they joking about it being casual? Or about me going in the first place? I must have looked confused, cause he continued and clarified: "about bringing your beautiful self and a smile?"

"Oh right!" I said, feeling like a total twat, "you don't look so bad yourself there Jacob," I replied smiling and moved out the door to lock it behind me.

"So… Where are we going?" I looked up at his beautiful self and suddenly didn't feel like I was looking that great anymore.

"Follow me" he said, and walked down the road. I took that the beach wasn't too far away, which I was happy about. I always liked beaches and came from a city in Denmark that had tons of lakes. I always found water calming.

"So what made you move to La Push?"

"Well, I'm taking some fine arts classes in Port Angeles, and I didn't think my classmates would think it was that cool if I lived in my car outside the school…I'm not even sure if its legal," I laughed at the last image I'd created and continued, "So I looked at the adds in the local newspaper when I got to Port Angeles and saw your dads add." Jacob looked at me and looked like he was full of questions. I did expect that. People usually had loads. He went on to ask where I'd lived before then, and I told him about my life as a nomad, usually living one place 6 months at the most and then moving on to the next town. I told him about living with strangers, living in my car outside bars where I'd helped by covering shifts and living on beaches in the summer, working as a tourist guide for a bit as well as just not doing anything. He listened intently and I got the feeling he didn't travel much.

I asked him questions about La Push and he told me where to find the different stores and what there was to do for fun around here. He told me about his family and I cursed inwardly at the next thing he said: " And I live with my girlfriend Bella a couple of houses down from you actually." Well, I thought to myself, there ought to bed other hot guys around here that aren't taken. God! What was I thinking? I wasn't looking for any guy! It only lead to commitment and ties to a place. I should have learned by now.

After the short walk that took around 10 minutes, we were at the beach and the sight was to die for. It was wide and the sand seemed to go on forever, only to culminate in the clear water that was calm and still. Further up the beach I saw a big bonfire and a load of people scattered around it, some in groups and some in pairs. I was suddenly incredibly nervous and my hands were getting a bit damp. What if they didn't like me? What if they minded that I had been invited? I thought Jacob might have sensed my change of mood as he said: "Don't worry, I'll introduce you to Bella and some of the other girls." I just said ok and felt like a child, going into school for the first time, meeting all my new classmates. But this was worse. They all knew each other already, so I was the odd one out.

We walked over to a brunette. She was thin, had high cheekbones, brown eyes and thin pink lips.

"Hey Bells, this is Billy's new lodger Nica, Nica this is my girlfriend Bella," Jacob said with the biggest smile I've ever seen. Love was shining out of him.

"Hi Nica, it's really nice to meet you," Bella was a nice and relaxed girl and her greeting was too.

"Hi Bella, it's nice to meet you too." I smiled politely.

"This is Leah, Emily, Kim and Rachel… haha, I know that was a lot of names, but you'll get there" Bella said, now surrounded by the four other girls. They all smiled at me and things were kind of easy from then on. It turned out Kim was going to the same school as me in Port Angeles, but she was taking a nursing class. I was happy I had someone to go with on Monday, and she even suggested we'd carpool. Brilliant I thought.

Everybody was so welcoming and I felt so lucky. I had always just had my yes-hat on while traveling but it was easier then cause there was not really anything at stake then. If I meet someone who I didn't like or didn't like me, I was gone soon anyway. No harm done. But I was going to be here for a while so it could easily get uncomfortable if I was around someone who didn't like me and vise versa.

Kim and I were sat on one of the logs surrounding the bonfire, talking to Jacob and Bella who told me that Bella had moved here from forks. She started going out with Jacob after a boyfriend dumped her and left her. It was hard to believe someone would leave such a lovely girl. She told me how she started seeing Jacob and how she felt better and better until he disappeared for a week. She then went to his place to see him having cut his hair and with a tattoo, and then Jacob told me: "I made eye contact with her, and suddenly it felt like the earth just stopped. Nothing else mattered but her and I was blind to anything else." Waw, I thought… imagine love like that… he went on to say, it felt like gravity shifted, and he knew they were going to be together forever. Bella was sat with her arm linked with his and looked like she was just as lost in his story as we were.

"It did take me some time to realize that he was right though, haha, I was mad that he disappeared for a week with mono," Bella said, still only looking at Jacob.

I was a bit quiet after that. Not that the others noticed. I was just thinking… that kind of love was really hard to find, but as I looked around, it seemed that the couples scattered around the bonfire, were completely lost in their own worlds. Maybe this place was just so wonderful that you couldn't help being this happy? I continued to look around and my eyes fell on a guy standing in a group of boys drinking. He looked a bit shy, looking at his feet mostly when he talked, and from what I could see from here, he had a great smile. He had defined cheekbones and dark hair like Jacob. He looked Native American and had captivating eyes. I couldn't tell what color they were from here, but for a moment I couldn't tare my eyes away from his, even to safe my life. He looked at me, and his full lips slightly parted, turning his body a little but not quite enough to face me. I came to my senses and tore my eyes away quickly, feeling like I had been intruding or…something. I was left with that feeling you get, when you witness an intimate moment between two people that you weren't part of, which was slightly uncomfortable. I really wanted to look over at him again but fought the urge.

It was 11.30 and I had no idea where time had gone. I got up to leave and Kim said she'd walk me home. Jared her boyfriend joined us, and I recognized him from the drinking group of boys. He was joking about everything he talked about, and I saw why Kim loved him. He was handsome too, but I hadn't actually seen any boys at the bonfire yet who weren't if I was honest.

While we walked, Kim and Jared were busy talking about the others and I was listening out to see if I heard a name I hadn't heard yet, trying to single out the shy boy with the captivating eyes. To my disappointment, there were several names I didn't know. Sam, Seth, Embry, Quill junior, Quill senior and so on and so on. When we came to the driveway, that lead to my house, Kim gave me her number so we could meet up tomorrow and I said goodnight and watched them for a couple of seconds as they continued hand in hand. God, why did I have to be such a hopeless romantic? Okay, okay… end of Nica! Go to bed.

I went into my totally empty house, except a mattress, and threw my bag on the floor in the heap of my clothes. I curled up on the mattress and must have looked like a cat in a mess of clothes. I fell asleep then and there still fully dressed.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey guys, as previously stated, this is my first ever fanfic, so be nice. But as it is my first, I'd really, really like some feedback! Please R &R gently ;) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own any thing what so ever. All rights to Stephanie Meyer.**

Chapter Three – Dreams and building a home.

 _I ran into the water, so fast I thought my legs were going to fall off. I kept hearing a loud comforting sound and realized it was my own laugh. I laughed, not because something was funny, but just cause I couldn't help it! I was happy, being in the water that reached my waist now. It felt warm and cold at the same time, and it was so clear I could see my feet. Hang on. I was still wearing my shoes…odd. I leaned back and let the water take my body until I floated on the surface of the water. I suddenly felt a strong pair of arms on my back lifting me up and I wasn't in the water anymore. I was in these warm strong arms. I had my eyes closed and wasn't scared, I obviously knew this person. I felt lips on my forehead, and heard a man say "Nica…time to get up."_

I sprung my eyes open and sat up looking around. Where the hell was I? I felt panic rush over me until I realized where I was. On my mattress in La Push…obviously! I ran my fingers threw my hair, and looked down. I was still in my clothes from last night. God, I must have been tired.

I went downstairs and showered. The hot water reminded me of my dream, and my thoughts went to the warm arms that had held me. I smiled and looked up and let the water fall on my face. God, I must be the loneliest girl in the whole of La Push! Standing in the shower, imagining someone holding me. God! Get a grip Annica! You pathetic excuse of a Dane!

I got dressed, grabbed my bag from downstairs, and looked at my phone. 10.30 it said. That's not too early to call is it? I decided it wasn't.

"Hello Kim speaking" Kim answered in a polite and almost business like tone.

"Hi Kim, It's Nica from last night?" I said, feeling a bit stupid for adding the last bit. I would've liked to think she hadn't forgotten within the last 12 hours or so, but the cautious part of me didn't want a chance at that awkward moment were they're like: "Nica who?"

"Oh hi girl! I was wondering when you'd call." She said in a much friendlier tone.

"Yeah I didn't know if it would be too early," I said smiling into the phone, glad not to have disturbed her beauty sleep.

"Why don't you come over, I'm just cooking breakfast for Jared, he had some work last night so he got up late too."

"That sounds like a plan. I haven't got anything here anyway, and I haven't been to the shop yet," I answered gladly. She gave me the address and I grabbed my bag to leave.

It wasn't far from my house…actually just a few houses down. I walked towards their beautiful house. It looked like mine, but it was bigger and had a bigger front porch. I got a glimpse of what I thought was a path to a backyard.

I knocked on the door and Kim came to answer the door within seconds.

"Hey, I hope you like pancakes! I'm making pancakes with blueberries."

"I love pancakes! And blueberries haha" I looked around and the inside of the house was just as welcoming as the outside. My eyes caught the mountain of pancakes on the table, and I was just about to say something, when I saw another even bigger mountain next to the stove where Kim was standing.

"So who else is coming?" I asked curiously. Kim looked at me and gestured for me to sit down.

"No one, just you, me and Jared" she said smiling.

"Oh…so you cook for the coming week or…?" I was really confused now looking around at all the pancakes. Kim finally noticed and laughed at the expression on my face, which I imagine must have been priceless.

"Hahaha, no Nica it's actually just for us, but you'll see when you see how much Jared eats!" and just as on queue Jared came into the kitchen with wet hair, clearly having just showered. He walked over to Kim and put his arms around her kissing her neck gently, but not too intimately. I looked away.

"God woman, you spoil me!" He said, taking a seat next to me smilingly saying hello to me.

Breakfast went by fast and I didn't eat much at first, because I was too taken back by the masses Jared was able to fit into his body. And he just kept going. I was kind of shocked.

After breakfast Kim and I went into town and did a bit of grocery shopping. We also went to a shop that had all sorts of decorative things like frames, candleholders and pillows.

"Don't you think I should get a sofa first Kim?" I asked holding up a light-blue pillow.

"Oh I didn't tell you did I?" Kim said. I looked at her confused as to say "tell me what?" Kim continued:

"Jacob and Billy told me this morning that they'll come over tonight with some more furniture for you. They'll bring a few different things, so you have some to choose from." I looked at her in surprise. That was so nice of them! We then went on to buying some things to personalize my house.

I had had a great day with Kim and we talked and talked all day. When we got back to my house I saw Jared there, and Kim told me she had texted him to come over and help setting up the lamps and pictures.

After what must have been an hour or two, all my newly purchased things were into place, except things that went onto furniture, like pillows and candleholders. And just as we were having a cup of tea and sat on the pillows on the floor talking, I thought about how lucky I was to have met Kim and Jared. I was studying how they were around each other. They were so comfortable with each other and clearly totally in love. I noticed the little things like Jared putting his hand on the small of Kim's back, while teasing her warmly. Kim resting her hand on his arm casually when talking and giving it a little squeeze before letting it go again…all these things that I missed about having someone in my life.

I heard a car pull up to the house and before I even got up from my seat, Jared was holding the door open, letting whom I assumed would be Billy and Jacob in. I heard a voice I wasn't familiar with. I got up and walked to the door. I saw both Billy and Jacob by their van. But there was another person there. The boy with the captivating eyes was getting a bookcase out of the van looking down. He was wearing a semi tight navy-blue t-shirt, black men's skinny-jeans and navy-blue converse shoes. God he looked good.

Jacob came over to me and surprised me but giving me a friendly hug saying: "Hey Nica, I hope you don't mind, I brought a friend with me to carry the stuff."

"No, I don't mind at all!" I said, a little too fast for my likening. I inwardly kick myself. They all looked at me smiling

"I mean, I'm not very strong so, you made the right call…" I continued while looking anywhere but at the people around me. I addressed Billy instead.

"Are you sure it's not too much trouble all this? You sure you don't need some of this stuff yourself?"

"Yeah don't worry about it Nica, we look out for each other here on the reservation." He said smiling and continued: "Plus if you decide to buy new furniture, then just let me know and we can take it back to save for the next lodger. You never know" I thanked him and went inside to make some tea for everyone.

Only as I was taking my new cups out of their wrapping did I realize I still didn't know the shy boys name. I felt rude for not introducing myself, and turned around intending to casually walk over and say hello, but was stopped by a body not very far from mine. My eyes flew up, and were greeted by deep brown eyes. They were calm and sparkled with a hint of green.

"I thought I should say hello," said the eyes, and I saw a smile in them and he continued: "My name is Embry Call. I'm Jake and Jared's friend." I extended my hand and said: "Nice to meet you Embry, I'm Nica…it's short for Annica," I smiled at him. Well, he was even more handsome than last night. He smiled but didn't say much more, and walked back over to Jacobs's side, helping him put a coffee table by my new grey sofa. I caught him looking over at me, but looked away as soon as we made eye contact. He was really cute…or maybe more handsome…oh, who was I kidding, he was really hot!

I looked around, and said: "it really looks like a home now huh?" Kim was next to me with her hands resting on her sides.

"Yeah, who thought old Jacks place could look like this" she smiled at Billy and I assumed "old Jack" was the family friend that Billy had inherited the house from.

"Right, we better get going Nica, I'll text you tomorrow to let you know when I'll be here to pick you up for school on Monday." Kim said while making her way to the door. Jacob and Billy said they had to go as well and followed Kim and Jared out the door.

"Well, thanks for…everything today," I chuckled "I really, really appreciate it you guys! And Embry, it was nice to meet you." I smiled at him. He looked at me with a small warm smile and held our eye contact a little longer than you normally would. I felt a tiny pull in my stomach.

After they all drove off, I went through the kitchen and made myself a Danish dish I hadn't had I ages. Meatballs in curry sauce. Yeah I know what you're thinking…gross…but it's really not.

I went upstairs to my bedroom and sat down on my new bed, and grabbed one of my books called "Wild". I loved that book. I could really relate to the nomad lifestyle she was living and my thoughts went on to thinking about my next destination. This was dangerous territory, as thinking about where to go next was usually what started the itching in my feet that made me leave places.

I decided to put my worn copy of "Wild" away, and hide it from myself under some of my clothes in my chest of drawers. I felt a bit silly, hiding my own book from myself, but I couldn't take the chances of wanting to feel the road under my feet before getting my degree. I grabbed some pillows from my bed ad went out on the balcony and sat there in the twilight looking over the forest. I loved it here and felt at home.

I felt myself drifting off and pulled myself off the floor of the balcony. I brushed my teeth and went to sleep. It had been a long day.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my first ever reviewer LIGHTBABE... Thanks! Much Love!**

Chapter Four – Jules and planned distance.

Monday came and I went to school with Kim. It was a big place, and Kim and I were split up as soon as we got there, having classes in different buildings, but agreed to meet up at 3 when we were done.

My favorite class was creative writing, and while walking towards the cafeteria, my mind toyed with the idea of become a writer myself, telling the tales of my traveling.

My classmates were cool as well, and I got talking to a girl called Julie, but she said everybody she knew called her Jules. Jules was a blonde like me but her hair was shorter, only just reaching the top of her shoulders, with a side fringe. It reminded me of Taylor Swifts hair, but more messy. Her personality on the other hand was more like Anna Kendrick. Nice and girly, but with a tomboy side that could have her battle the boys in a game of "who can slam done the most shots before passing out". I really liked her and it seemed the feeling was mutual as we spend all day together at school.

At 3 I met up with Kim as promised, and we talked about our day. She dropped me off at home and I went on to do my homework. Well, homework was perhaps a bit formal. I was kind of reading ahead in the material we were given. I just couldn't wait to get started.

The next couple of days past like Monday with school, Jules and Kim. Before I knew it, it was Friday. Kim was talking about going out versus having a movie night with the others. We decided to have a movie night that evening and then go out Saturday for drinks. I reminded myself to ask Jules if she wanted to come with us Saturday. She was a party girl, and I loved going out with people who just had the yes-hat on instantly.

When we met up in the evening at Kim and Jared's house, I was greeted by a group of the other young adults from the rez. Yeah, I said rez…Kim told me I sounded fancy when I kept saying the reservation or La Push. As I entered, I noticed some of the chatting died down, and I felt a bit out of sorts. I thought I saw Kim look at Embry for a second, and then back at me. Did I have something on my face? Were they just talking about me? If they were, was it something bad?

My inner dialog was interrupted by a hug from Kim who said, she was happy I'd come, and asked me to help her in the kitchen getting the snacks.

"So… I've invited the others and Jared, Jacob, Bella and…Embry are coming along." She said, looking at me from the corner of her eyes. I looked over at her, searching her face to figure out why she said it like that. When there was no clue on her face other than a slightly crooked I just had to ask.

"…Why are you saying it like that?"

"What do you mean?" she said, looking genuinely innocent.

"…Never mind" What DID I think she meant? I changed the subject.

"I asked Jules if she wanted to come and she's up for it."

"Great, I look forward to meeting this Jules you keep talking about" Kim said, smiling one of her prizewinning smiles and continued: "If she's anything like you've said, then we're in for a great night tomorrow!"

We got the snacks and sat down with the others. Jared, Kim and I on the sofa, Embry in a comfy chair next to me, and opposite him, Bella and Jacob sharing a comfy chair. It seemed Bella and Jacob were oblivious to the fact that the movie had started. It was a Romantic Comedy called "The ugly truth" about a man helping a woman get the man of her dreams, only to realize he fell for her himself. It was quite funny and a bit…okay a lot, about sex. At one point the male lead had given the female lead some vibrating panties, and she stupidly wore them for dinner with her boss and some other CEOs. As she got more and more hot and bothered then tension in the living room got thicker, and I felt more and more awkward. Jacob, Bella, Jared and Kim were laughing hysterically as the female lead got closer and closer to climax. I on the other hand would have laughed too, if it weren't for the fact that I made eye contact with Embry right at the beginning of her moaning.

Now I just sat there with clammy hands and an urge to look at him again. Surely it was a bit odd that we'd just made eye contact in such and intimate scene? I wasn't normally that taken aback by stuff like that, I mean…I wasn't exactly a virgin myself, but there was something about seeing this with two couples and a seemingly shy boy next to me. From then on, every time there was something romantic or sexual in the film, I'd feel my eyes slide to my left to see if he was looking at me. And every time…he'd be already looking at me or turn his gaze, properly from feeling mine on him.

I thanked the god above when the film ended, and we went on to watching a comedy called "I love you, man" that had us all bend over laughing. The night was a great success.

It was half past 12 already and I told the others that I'd better go. Jacob looked up at Embry and said:

"Embry why don't you make sure Nica gets home safe?" he gave Embry a look that kind of told me that it wasn't really a question. _Why does he get to decide what Embry has to do?_ I didn't think more of it, as Embry didn't sound like he minded at all.

"Yeah of course, I'll just grab my stuff."

After thanking everybody for tonight and saying I looked forward to our night out the next day, Embry and I were on our way to my house. Silence…

"…Did you like the films?" I asked him, thinking it would be a safe topic.

"Yeah, comedies are great! How about you?" He answered without looking at me.

"Yeah, I mean…toats magoats…" I said quoting the film we'd just seen meaning "totally".

"Hahaha, what?" he laughed out looking at me with sparkling eyes. I realized he didn't get my reference and I felt like a total idiot! WHO SAYS THAT NICA!

"I…just…you know…the guy from the film…said that?" I stuttered out shyly looking up at him through my eyelashes. I felt my cheeks going pink. Shit.

"Oh right, sorry…I forgot about that" he chuckled. God he was handsome when he smiled like he did right now.

We walked for a bit in silence, but it didn't really feel awkward, to which I was surprised. After some time he asked me how my school was, and I talked a bit about my classes, telling him about the topics and which one I liked the most. He told me he liked writing as well and that he read a lot. Before I knew it we were chatting effortlessly and laughing together. It turned out he wasn't that shy once he opened up. He worked for Jacob as something along the lines of a ranger in the forests surrounding La Push and I got why Jacob had felt like he could boss him around earlier…because he literally could boss him around.

Too soon to my likening, we were at my door. _Oh god, do I hug him? Or just shake his hand? Maybe I should just avoid physical contact all together…I mean; we only met a couple of times?_ I think he could tell I was nervous, cause he just smiled even more, and leaned in for a hug. I was happy he took the initiative. I felt his arms around me and my core was warmed up instantly, as if I'd opened a door that lead straight into Italy. I didn't realize I'd closed my eyes while hugging him, and shot them open, afraid he would see when letting go. He let go. Too soon.

"Uhm, goodnight Embry…"

"Night Nica…" He smiled.

I made it to the other side of my front door and slit down the door leaning up against it. _Fuck._ I didn't usually swear that much but right now all I could think was: "Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…" Why on earth did he have to be so lovely? Embry was warm, not just physically, but the way he spoke about some of the books he favored was intriguing and captivating. Almost as captivating as his eyes. Oh god, his eyes… This wasn't good! I don't do this. I don't do crushes! I leave them when they appear, and people end up getting hurt. I never left because of a crush or love…okay once, but that was a long time ago now. I just got the urge to move on out and into the world. I couldn't help it…or at least that was what I said to myself and if anyone asked.

I made the decision to stay clear of Embry for a while, and wowed not to drink too much tomorrow. Maybe even flirt with some random guy.

 **A/N: Next chapter is going to be at the club and I thought as a kinda "method-writing" I'd write it slightly tipsy. There will be some music references and some drunken reasoning from Nicas part. Put the tracks on and let me know what you think!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! I'd really, really love more of them! I said I'd write this next chapter slightly tipsy, and i did some of it, but realized i couldn't focus too long at the time, so it just took too long, so the rest was written sober haha.. i hope you like it!**

 **Once again, I do not own anything in this fanfic! Stephanie Meyer does!**

Chapter Five – Never have I ever…

Saturday evening I was standing in front of the mirror, looking at myself. I looked hot…no question about it. Okay maybe my confidence was coming from the bottle of sparkling wine I'd drunk while getting ready. I was nervous. But I had it under control. At least I felt like I had.

Kim, Jules and I went to the club after a few pre-drinks. Obviously it was Jules idea to have pre-drinks. We were all drunk, but happy-drunk, and just wanted to dance. We entered the club called "Body" where we were all suppose to meet up, and as soon as we entered, we orders drinks to go to our reserved table in the VIP section, and went to the dance floor. Turned out the guys knew the owners of the club, so a VIP table was the least they could do for us. Their words exactly!

I was dancing to Justin Biebers song "where are you now" featuring Skrillex, and as soon as the beat dropped, I was in another world. I was Nica the bartender. Nica the drunken tourist guide. Nica the young woman with no care in the world. "I need you the most!" we all sang. I felt the beat going through my core, moving along to the music.

The song ended and we went to our table, seeing the boys having arrived, to have some of our drinks. I greeted the others and was met with smiles. They were all so bloody handsome and I felt my stomach pull. There goes "not getting too drunk". As long at I stayed away from flirting with anyone from the rez. Embry came over to the table, wearing a blue shirt with the top three buttons undone. He smiled at me and leaned over to hug me. God. My fucking god. I had to let go and didn't meet his gaze as I pulled away.

"You look great!" he shouted over the music. I blushed a bit. I was wearing a black dress that went mid-thigh, had quite an open neckline without being revealing and sleeves that stopped just after my elbows.

"Thanks, so do you" I replied. I turned my body to the dance floor away from him. Needing a distraction. What the hell was I thinking, getting drunk around him? I should know myself better by now! Drunken Nica was usually very aware of the fact that no one kissed her goodnight, and she usually tried to find someone who would. She just rarely followed through with it. I liked feeling like I had a boy wanting me, but then I wasn't interested. I guess you'd classify me as a tease.

I finally looked towards Embry again, and saw an unknown girl walk directly towards him with arms open. She was tall, spidery long legs and looked like the next bond-babe. I hated her already. They started talking, while she held her arms around his neck. He talked looking at his feet half the time, looking cutely shy. Right…fuck it.

"Talking Body" by Tove Lo came on and I ran to the dance floor, not caring that I was alone. I started dancing and felt some arms around me. I looked over my shoulder, and saw a handsome blonde guy with brown eyes. My first thought was that his eyes weren't as nice as Embry's eyes. That thought put me off slightly. What a stupid fucking crush! I felt myself getting stubborn and learned into the arms.

I wasn't grinding up against him or anything, but his hands were low on my hips, following their movements. I shot a look to our table and saw my friends looking at us. I felt uncomfortable. I turned to smile at the guy and mouthed "sorry" over the music, and left him on the dance floor. I went to the bar to order another drink. The girl who had been talking to Embry earlier came over and stood next to me.

"I'll have a tequila sunrise," she said to the bartender. I tried my best not to look as her, but I felt her gaze on me, so I turned my head slightly to sneak a peek. She really was looking at me, with a look that kind of said: "I dare you to say something to my face" What the hell what this girls problem?

I felt down right drunk and just blurred out: "Why are you looking at me?"

"…I'm just trying to figure out what's so special about you," she said.

"What? What are you talking about?" I asked wearily.

"Well, there must be something, since you're the first ever non-native person allowed to move to the rez," she said while looking me up and down. I never even thought of that. _That's kind of a good question._ I knew Bella lived there, but that was different…she lived with Jacob and they were in a relationship. Why was I allowed there?

I realized I hadn't said anything to the girl.

"Uhm…who knows…" was all I could come up with. I didn't like her attitude, and I was too drunk to deal with a potential bitch-fight, and to be honest, I just wanted to have fun tonight. I didn't say anything else but went back to the table to find a very, very drunk Kim straddling Jared, kissing him. I laughed at this and thought: "looks like at least someone is getting lucky tonight." I sat down next to Bella and Jacob, who were in deep conversation about how much they loved each other, as far as I could tell from the way they looked at each other. I watched the bitchy girl from earlier come over, and put a hand on Jacob's shoulder, smile in a flirty way and lean in to say something. I saw Bella's expression change drastically. I swear, if eyes could kill… Jacob said something short to the girl and turned his attention back to Bella who still looked miffed. The girl walked off looking annoyed and I turned to the dance floor looking for Jules in the crowd.

Jules was dancing provocatively with a guy who looked like a hipster version of John Mayer. He was kinda hot. Kim jumped off Jared, and we started playing never have I ever all together.

"Never have I ever…gone out with someone who was the same gender as me" I started off. Jules was the only one who drank and confirmed my suspicions about being wild. The boys were looking at her with mouths slightly open.

"Are you bisexual or was it kind of a one time thing?" Bella asked.

"It was only for a couple of months, and then I found out it wasn't really for me." She answered smiling and went on to her turn.

"Never have I ever…wanted to kiss someone in this group, and current relationships doesn't count!" Jules said drinking herself on this one. Embry, Kim and I drank to this one, making us all curious. I wanted to know whom the others wanted to kiss, but I didn't want to reveal my own, so I didn't say anything, hoping the others would let it go. Obviously Jules, being Jules with no inhibitions, went on to demand to know whom Kim had wanted to kiss. Kim blushed and looked at Jared who didn't actually look that surprised.

"Well, before I fell for Jared I briefly met Jacob at a bonfire when I was like, 13 or something, and I had a brief soft moment then haha" She told and laughed at her own admission. Jacob looked like his ego had just been inflated by 10 times. I imagined them together for a second, but it felt totally wrong. Bella with Jake and Kim with Jared was the only way I could see it.

"Oh my god, me too!" Jules practically shouted. I imagined Jacobs head was about to burst.

"What about you Nica?" Jules asked me. God, here we go. I looked at her and panicked.

"Oh, uhm…Jacob as well..." There was a slight silence before Jules laughing. She looked at Jacob, and said something about him being popular and something else. I didn't really listen. I drunkenly cursed myself. But what was I to do? I could sit there and admit wanting to kiss Embry right in front of him? It was easier to say Jacob, as he was taken and therefore wouldn't get any ideas…it wasn't like any of it was ever going to happen. I looked at Bella and she didn't even look one bit jealous. I guess she just knew for sure where his heart belonged.

Embry quickly took his turn at the game, before anyone could ask him, whom he'd want to kiss.

"Never have I ever…" he thought for a moment looking at his drink. I took the moment to look at him and my eyes fell onto his lips. I imagined what it would feel like to kiss them. They looked soft and plumbed. Perfect…soft…pink…Oh god! Snap out of it Nica! It's the booze talking! Stop it!

I realized in my drunken haze, that he had asked the question and I didn't drink. Apparently I was the only one who didn't, and the others looked at me like I had said something they didn't quite believe.

"Oh, sorry! What was the question?" I asked with wide eyes. Had they noticed where my attention had just been?

They all busted out in a big laugh and Jules repeated Embry's question: "Never have I ever had a one-night stand?"

"Oh right sure," I said and drank. I didn't really care for one-night stands at all. But having lived like a nomad, not really being able to have long-term relationships meant that, if I wanted to feel intimacy and just a fragment of the care from a relationship, one-night stands were my only option. I was my turn now.

"Never have I ever had a long-term relationship." I said and looked around. Everybody drank, and proceeded to look at me like I'd grown two heads.

"What?" I asked almost being able to feel how I shrunk to half my size under their gazes. Jules was the one who spoke up.

"Nothing, it's just…well…you're cute and super nice…so why not?"

"I don't know…well, this is the first time I've ever planned to settle down for more than a couple of months." I answered and smiled, then continued: "Long-term relationships don't really work if you move away from your boyfriend haha." The last thing I said lifted the slight awkwardness that had occurred.

We played the game for half an hour more, and I learned that Kim and Jared had had sex at our school, Embry and Bella had both almost been killed by a car, Jacob Embry and Jared all had tattoos on their right shoulder and Jules had tattoos and a nipple piercing. I in return also drank to the tattoo question, a question about having had sex in a tent and having been caught having sex. The last one had everyone drinking but Embry.

We were all getting a bit tired and most of us felt like we had had enough if not too much to drink, and therefore we decided to all, except Jules, take a taxi to the rez. Jules walked straight over to the John Mayer lookalike and asked him if he wanted to get out of here. I though about whether she'd regret that in the morning. Perhaps not.

As we got there, we split up into three pairs. The others walked home and Embry and I walked together, seeing as his house was past mine anyway. I had been wearing heels all night and had taken them off in the taxi, so now they were dangling from the fingers of my right hand.

We talked about the night and conversation was easy and friendly.

"So…you've got a tattoo? What's it of?" Embry asked looking at my arms. I pulled my sleeve up on my left arm, and showed him my tattoo. It was a black and white very simple compass about the size of a golf ball.

"Waw…I like it," he said when seeing it, and showed me his. I really liked his as well, and told him I wanted to get a diamond on my right wrist, but hadn't gotten round to it.

"So…who was that girl tonight? She seemed like she knew all of you rez people…" I had to ask.

"That's just Sammy…She used to fancy Jacob like crazy, so she was around a lot for a while. I suspect that she still does actually." He said not giving away what he thought of her. I wanted to know but didn't know how to ask.

"…She said something about me being the only non-native person ever being allowed to move into the rez…I never really thought about that until now." I admitted, hoping he had an answer.

"Yeah, Sammy tried loads of times to convince Billy to let her move into old Jacks house, but Jacob and Bella told him not to. I guess that's why she pointed it out, she must have been a bit jealous you got the house." He said, clearing up some of my questions. But not the main one.

"…Do you know why I was allowed?" I asked looking up at him.

"I'm pretty sure you have Bella to thank for that." He said and continued: "She was the one who saw your application, and told Billy to rent the house to you. He'd do anything for his future daughter in-law. I guess she thought it would piss of Sammy…they're not exactly friends haha." He smiled a warm smile at me. I laughed.

"Haha, I know…I saw how Bella looked ready to commit murder when she talked to Jake." I said, happy that it hadn't been Embry Sammy wanted her claws on. She was a bitch that much was clear, but she was a stunning, babe of a bitch nevertheless.

We reached my house and he walked me to my door.

"Well…Thanks for tonight and walking me home." I said feeling strangely aware of my hands all over sudden.

"Yeah I had a good time." He said looking at me, and I thought he looked a bit on edge.

I leaned in to give him a hug goodbye and relaxed as soon as I was in his embrace. I can't tell you how long we stood holding each other cause I honestly don't know. I felt too short but I'm quite sure it was a little too long to just be a friendly hug. The cold hit me as soon as we let go.

"Night…" I almost whispered.

"Night Nica…" he said back just a low and started turning while keeping his eyes on mine before having his back to me.

I stood there for a second and then said: "I lied tonight…" He turned halfway around to look at me with a questioning look but kept silent.

"…I lied during the game when I said it was Jacob I wanted to kiss…" I admitted, knowing he could figure out, whom I really wanted to kiss, from the fact that I didn't continue to say who it was then. I smile slowly grew on his face and his lips parted lightly. I looked down, smiling, and before he could say anything, I just said "night" again and went into the house looking over my shoulder.

Once again I let myself slide down my front door as soon as it closed. This position was becoming a habit. God! Why did I tell him that? I already felt my tomorrow self, cursing at my tonight self for revealing that secret.

Never have I ever had such a strong and fast crush in my life…what kind of spell did he have over me?

 **Please Review! - Much love**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hi guys, thank you for following my story! I'd REALLY appreciate some more REVIEWS, so i know if I'm going somewhere right with this story :) so please please R &R - much love, Ag xxx **

Chapter six – to hide or not to hide…

I woke up around 1 pm with a splitting headache. I could have sworn it had grown to twice its size over night. I stumbled down the stairs almost slipping in something. I was my dress from the night before. A flashback from last night entered my head, of me having almost passed out sitting up against the front door, only to then drag my body up and dispose of my dress on the way up the stairs. Didn't I fall at one point while taking off the dress? I looked down at my legs, and saw that I had a light bruise on my left knee. Shit! Not a good look.

Then it hit me.

"Oh my god!" I said out loud in my empty living room. I told Embry I wanted to kiss him last night! Fuck! Me and my stupid, stupid big mouth! I'm never drinking again…fuck drinking, I'm never leaving my HOUSE again! What if he told the others and they made jokes about it? Then again…he wasn't like that. He's too nice for that.

"God, he did look good last night!" I told myself, smiling at the mental image.

I went into the kitchen and drank some coke from my fridge. What I really needed now, to cure my hangover was a big fry-up! I grabbed a few things from the fridge, and made some bacon, eggs, baked beans and some toast. I drank coke with it, cause it was the only thing I felt like at the moment. I wonder if I was embarrassing last night. I remember we played never have I ever…and I don't think I admitted anything too big…did I? I stopped in my tracks for a second and thought about it. Hmm no, I don't think so…

Thank god I wasn't meeting any of the others today. I really couldn't face them right now.

I ate my food in front of the TV and felt better after finishing it. Maybe I should call Kim just to test the waters out?

I decided to do so and called her…after finding my phone in my fruit bowl on the kitchen counter. What the hell had I been doing last night?

It dialed.

"…Hello, this is Kim…or what's left of her anyway," Kim answered, sounding like she had just woken up.

"Hey it's me, did I wake you?" I asked feeling bad.

"No, I just got my face out of a bucket…I've been throwing up all morning!" Kim said and I couldn't help laughing a little.

"Sorry Kim, but the mental image is great, haha. How's Jared feeling today?" I asked, and she went on to tell me, about how Jared was totally fine today, which annoyed her enormously. She told me that they had gotten home, and started fooling around, but they were so drunk, that they had knocked over a couple of things in their house. I laughed at that.

"Sounds like I wasn't the only one who had had more than enough, haha." I said smiling and feeling a bit better with myself.

"Yeah well, I wonder how Jules is feeling. Perhaps she doesn't just have a physical hangover, but a moral one too," Kim said, making us both laugh loudly.

While Kim continued to recap last night's events, I realized how good a friend of mine she had become. I suddenly felt like sharing my confession from last night to her, but wasn't sure how to approach it.

"But hey, how about your walk home? Did you make it safe and sound?" Kim asked, and I felt this could be a way of telling her.

"Well, we just walked and talked, and I made it home in one piece." I said and wanted to continue, but hesitated. It wasn't like I didn't trust Kim, I really did, but I didn't want to make a big deal out of this Embry crush, cause nothing was ever going to happen. Yes, I know drunken Nica thinks something else, but sober Nica knows that love em' and leave em' isn't a good idea!

I noticed that Kim hadn't actually said anything for a while, but then her voice broke the pause, right before I could ask her if she was okay.

"…So…did Embry just say goodnight, and then go home or…?" She asked curiously.

"…What exactly are you suggesting, haha?" I chuckled into the phone, happy that she couldn't see me blush at her insinuation.

"No, no…nothing like that, I just thought that maybe you guys talked or got a nightcap…or something like that." I could hear she was smiling by the way she said it.

"Uhm…Well, we talked all the way home, and he behaved like a perfect gentleman…but I kinda said something to him right before he left…and I don't know if I've made a fool out of myself or anything…" I answered fiddling with the hem of the t-shirt I had slept in.

"Oh god, WHAT did say?" Kim asked excitedly. I reminded her of the kissing-question from the game and told her:

"I just said Jacob cause I didn't want to be the only one saying Embry…but…then when he was about to leave, I don't know what got into me…well, honestly it was properly the 12 shots I had done but…" I stopped and wasn't sure how to say it. Kim beat me to it:

"You told him you wanted to kiss him?" She sounded eager.

"…Yeah…I did… Do you think it was a total mistake? I mean, he didn't say anything…but I guess I didn't give him much chance, and I didn't actually tell him directly, that I wanted to kiss him…" I said having a dreading feeling in my stomach.

"Wait, what DID you tell him?" Kim asked confused. I told her word for word what I had said, and how he had reacted.

"Well, I think it's kinda obvious what you meant by that, but yeah you didn't really give him a chance to say anything!" I felt relieved.

"But it doesn't really matter though… nothing's ever gonna happen! It wouldn't be possible… I mean I'm leaving, as soon at I finish my degree, and then I'm off to god knows where! And…I just don't really do relationships" I ranted on franticly to make sure my point was made. I think I did it to convince myself more than to convince Kim.

"So what? You're just never gonna have a boyfriend Nica? I don't really think life works like that?" Kim said in disbelieve and continued: "I mean, what about kids…a future and stuff? Don't you ever want that for yourself?" I didn't know what to say.

"…I don't know…" we both sat in silence for a little while…then Kim said:

"…I think you'd make a great girlfriend and mother…" I was lost for words again, but a smile and a blush was creeping up my face.

"Thanks Kim…You're a great friend. And you're gonna be a great mother too…you're so nice to everyone."

We talked for a little longer, and the subject went over to something a little less serious. After a while, we said our goodbyes and hung up. She had to go cook something for Jared, and I wanted to go sit on my balcony with a book. I had decided that I didn't really want to deal with the world today.

It was 5.30 pm and I couldn't focus on my book. I had read the same two lines five times and gave up. I sat in the early evening, watching the wind blow through the treetops.

My thought went to the question Kim had asked me about just never having a boyfriend…and kids. But hey, I was only 24 and it wasn't like I was in a hurry…or 35…

At 10 pm I had had some pasta for dinner, picked out an outfit for school tomorrow and gotten ready for bed. I was lying there looking at the ceiling. It hadn't really been a very productive day. This was what I hated about drinking…the day after was always wasted with feeling ill and lazy. I was drifting off when I was startled by the sound of a text. I lifted my phone from my nightstand and almost dropped it when I saw whom I had gotten the text from. Embry.

Oh no…what was this about? Did he remember last nights confession? Thousands of scenarios when through my head in a matter of seconds, ranging from him saying that he couldn't remember a thing and just wanted to know how he got home, to him texting to say that I shouldn't get my hopes up, cause he liked someone else. My heart stopped for a second when the last scenario entered my head and I suddenly felt wide-awake.

I couldn't look…but I had to…but I couldn't…

I sat up in my bed, phone in hand, and considered my options. I could pretend I hadn't gotten the message yet, being asleep? No, that's just childish…and I'd have to face it tomorrow anyway, cause I couldn't just pretend I never got it.

I realized I was being an idiot. I had no idea what it said, and why was I so fussed anyway? Nothing was ever going to happen? I wonder how many times I've said that to myself today. Just stop being a wuss!

I opened the message while holding my breath and read the one sentence it held.

*My answer would have been you…*

…What?

…No wait, what?

Todays flashback number three hundred flicked before my eyes. He never confessed to whom he had wanted to kiss…everybody but him confessed theirs. "My answer would have been you…" I read it again.

He had wanted to kiss me…and I wanted to kiss him. This. Was. Dangerous. Territory. Then it hit me…I had to answer something to this! SHIT! What do you say to this?

Uhm, you're a great guy but I don't think we should? No.

Yeah, but we shouldn't… No.

Not sure it would be such a good idea…No.

What do I actually WANT to text him…?

"I keep thinking about you…" I said into the darkness of my bedroom. I couldn't text that.

I really wanted to though, but I had to keep it casual…but I didn't want to lead him on. But then again…I had no idea what I wanted, and I wasn't ready to just dismiss the whole idea yet. But this text just kind of had to be replied to. I decided to be vague and not really say anything about the statement directly…I mean…he already knew that I had wanted to kiss him…right?

I decided on what to text, typed it in and reread it four times, not being sure it was the right thing to do… I held my breath as I pressed send.

*Sweet dreams Embry*

I put the phone down and still felt wide-awake.

I didn't sleep much that night, but once I did, I was lost in sweet dreams.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hi guys, thank you so much new followers. I hope you like this next chapter as much as I do. It had my stomach flip multiple times, and I hope it does that to you too. PLEASE R &R to this, i really want to know what you think! **

Chapter seven – Sweet Dreams…

I was lying on the grass in my backyard with sunglasses and a bikini on. The sun was baking on my skin and I smiled at the feeling. I suddenly felt shade on my face and opened my eyes. A smiling face met my eyes and I my own face broke out in a huge smile. He sat down next to me and leaned back to lie down beside me. Neither of us said anything, but our hands sought each other as if it they had been doing that a million times. After a while I turned my head towards him and looked directly into his brown eyes.

"I can't stop thinking about you…" I said. He smiled and said:

"Then don't stop…"

He leaned over and his face came closer and closer to mine, and as I closed my eyes he stopped…what was he waiting for? I opened my eyes to see…

As I opened my eyes, I was met with by bedroom ceiling. God, it was just a dream… I checked my phone. No text from Embry. It made me realize that I actually really like him. God…I should just have told him that I kept thinking about him! I felt disappointed with myself.

As I was getting ready for school, I thought about the dream. I was pretty sure Embry had been the guy. I didn't exactly see his face, but you know the feeling in a dream, where you just know. I thought about weather I was just love-starved or actually really truly had a huge crush on him. My stomach flipped at the thought.

"Well, crush it is" I said out loud to myself.

When I was done, I had a burgundy t-shirt on that said "Always" in black, with black skinny jeans, burgundy converse shoes and a few accessories like the leather stringed bracelets I never took off and my small black studs in my ears. I was in my "don't even think about getting in my face"-mood, which I rarely was. You'd think last nights dream should have lifted my mood, but the missing text I was hoping to have had received this morning was getting me down.

Kim and I were driving to school and she'd already been giving me looks that said what's wrong today? She hadn't asked though. My thoughts went to my dream again. I really wanted it to have been true. I thought about what it would be like if Embry and I were like Kim and Jared.

I had to let this go. Why do I have so little time left on my degree? I cursed inwardly about the fact that I had dropped out last time with only the 3 months left I was taking now. 6 months…Well, actually just 5 months and 2 weeks now. Not enough time to get to know a guy, establish a relationship and think about a future with him. Or maybe it was…I mean; I didn't exactly have that much experience in the relationship department.

We got to school and said our goodbyes. I met up with Jules and we started walking to class. Some girl, going the opposite direction of me, bumped into my shoulder and made me drop my "creative writing" book on the floor, and I snapped:

"HEY, WATCH IT!" I shouted, giving her the evil eyes. I watched her mouth 'sorry' and flinch slightly, then ran off in a hurry.

"Okay, what's up with you today? What have you done with my happy, carefree Nica I love so much?" Jules asked with a smile on her face.

"Don't ask…it's been a bit of a weekend and morning…" I answered, hoping she'd let I go. She didn't.

"Soooo…what happened?" She asked, while we sat down next to each other in creative writing class.

"Well, I told Embry I wanted to kiss him, he then texted me that he would have kissed me, and I replied 'sweet dreams Embry' and never heard from him…" I blurred it out in one of the fastest sentences ever, and didn't even look at her while I said it.

"…Oh right…Well…do you…like him?" Jules asked in a hesitating way. I looked at her with a look that must have said: "are you kidding me", cause she looked like she regretted the question already.

"Of course I like him! Otherwise I would have told him that I wanted to kiss him, would I?" I stated slightly loudly. When she didn't say anything I continued: "Sorry Jules, it's just…I thought…well I thought he liked me…and I think…I really like him, and that's…kinda new for me."

"I think he likes you too…I know I was very drunk on Saturday, but I did notice a couple of things." Jules said in a hushed tone, as the lecture was already starting.

"What? Stuff about Embry?" I asked, very, very interested.

"Yeah…like the way he was continuously staring at you dancing with that blond guy and then his shoes, only to look at you again and then his shoes." She said, sparking my interest.

"Really? Anything else?" I asked hopefully.

"Well, then there was that almost awkward silence when you told everybody that you wanted to kiss Jacob. Why do you think I burst out laughing? I had to release the tension that had occurred all over sudden." Jules said matter-of-factly and continued: "I think he really likes you, and that the others know! Why ells would they suddenly go quiet and serious, when you say you want to kiss Jacob, but not when I said I wanted to kiss him?"

"Well, I hope we're not disturbing your little girl-chat, miss Charles and miss Corden? We will try to keep it down for your sake." Mr. Langdon interrupted our conversation making both of us blush and keep our heads down.

My mood had lifted, and the rest of the day, I thought about what Jules had said. Should I ask Kim about it? Perhaps not…I mean; if she knew he liked me wouldn't she have told me then? Unless she had a reason not to? I decided not to ask her.

The drive home was better than the drive to school, and we even laughed together. Kim asked if I wanted to go to her place to hang out for a bit today and perhaps have dinner together with Jared tonight. I said yes and we arrived at her place in no time.

Jared was sitting on the couch watching TV, but got up as soon as we entered the door. He grabbed Kim by the waist and lifted her up in the air while spinning her while she laughed. As he put her down he planted a big kiss on her lips and rested his forehead on hers.

"I missed you today" he said with closed eyes, breathing in her scent.

"I missed you too!" Kim answered smiling. I felt awkward again. Once again, I was in the middle of an intimate moment that I didn't belong in and felt weird to witness.

"And hello to you Nica," Jared said laughing, clearly noticing my discomfort.

"Hey Jared. What have you been up to today?" I asked while putting down my bag in the hall.

"Not much, just a bit of patrolling," he said. I didn't know he also worked for Jacob in the forest, but I could have guessed. Most of the guys here did. I wondered for a second what they actually did on patrol. I couldn't imagine there being a lot of wild animals to look out for. But then again, what did I know.

Kim and I spend the day laughing and talking, as if we had been friends for years. I loved being like this with Kim. She was great, and made me very comfortable.

When dinnertime came, she and I made some pasta with carbonara sauce. Jared was thrilled and couldn't wait.

I was setting the table when there was a knock on the door and Jared went to open it. I couldn't see who it was but I knew the voice. Embry. I stopped in my tracks and didn't know what to do with myself. My heart was beating faster and I felt like hiding. I didn't know what I was going to say to him if he saw me. I mean, the whole text thing and admitting to wanting to kiss each other made my heart pounding in my chest. I hadn't really thought there would be others when we had to see each other again. This could get really awkward.

I heard Jared ask Embry if he had eaten yet. Oh no, say yes, say yes!

"No, I haven't yet actually," I heard him say. Shit!

"Well, why don't you join us?" Jared asked Embry and I heard him say "alright" to the offer.

I hurried out in the kitchen, seemingly to get a fourth plate and set of cutlery.

I told Kim that Embry was joining us and she smiled, what looked like a knowing smile, but I didn't notice.

I walked into the dining room and put the plate down, just as both the guys came in. I looked up from under my eyelashes and made eye contact with Embry. He looked at me with a small, slightly crooked and shy smile.

"Hi," I said still holding his eyes with mine.

"Hey," he said, standing next to Jared with his hands in his pockets. He looked so hot, it was hard to concentrate, and I kind of forgot what I was doing. I took my eyes of him and moved to go to the kitchen before Jared stopped me.

"Why don't you guys sit down and have some wine, and I'll go help Kim with dinner." Jared said. I almost suspected that this was planned.

We sat for a bit in silence, not knowing what to say to each other, and just making eye contact sometimes.

"How was school?" Embry asked.

"It was okay…a bit long today...how was work?" I asked, not even sure he went to work.

"I haven't been yet. I'm going later tonight." He answered and continued: "Jared is coming with me tonight. Jake has put more people on patrol lately…" He looked like he was going to continue but stopped himself.

Dinner was a bit quiet at first, but after a few minutes, Jared was making so many jokes, that it flew by fast. We ended up sitting in the living room with our wine and other drinks. Jared and Embry were drinking soft drinks now, as they were going to work in a few hours.

"Have you guys heard that there's going to be a sand sculpture-park down by the beach in the weekend?" Kim asked and looked at Embry and me.

"Uhm, nope. Are you going?" I asked looking at her and Jared.

"Yeah, we were talking about it. Why don't you guys come? Saturday around noon?" Kim asked looking at both Embry and me. Embry was first to answer:

"Yeah, sounds like a plan. I'm not doing anything that day anyway."

"Yeah I'm up for that," I answered too, already looking forward to spending the day with them all, but mostly Embry. It was settled then.

I was standing in the hall putting on my coat, and grabbing my bag without noticing Embry coming up next to me.

"Are you sure I shouldn't walk you home?" He asked in a low tone, looking deeply into my eyes, once I had looked up hearing his voice.

"I'm sure I'll be fine," I said instantly regretting my answer.

"Okay, well…get home safe," he said and turned to go into the living room again. I thought he looked a tiny bit disappointed.

"On a second thought…" he turned around again and smiled at me, "It's quite dark…and you never know…right?" I said hoping I didn't sound too obvious.

The walk home wasn't long enough. We talked and laughed and I felt so comfortable. I had the urge to reach for his hand, as we walked side by side, and had to put them in my coat pockets, just to be sure I didn't do it.

We reached my door and I stood fiddling with my keys, not sure what to say.

"Thanks for walking me home…It was really nice of you." I said finally, looking into his eyes. Something felt a bit different this time, and I wasn't sure what it was. Perhaps it was the fact that we had both admitted that there was an attraction to each other, or maybe it was just my own feelings that were different. I had finally admitted to myself, that I really did care if he liked me or not.

"Anytime…" he answered, staring into my eyes. I had to swallow a bit and felt my skin prickling with anticipation. He leaned in and gave me a hug. It was warm and long. I sighed loudly without thinking about it as he held me, and felt stupid for doing so. I leaned back and ended the hug, but even after we had let go of each other, our faces were still only inches apart. He looked down at our hands and took one of mine in his. I looked into his eyes and saw them fall to my lips and back up again. He leaned in slowly, and without even thinking, I leaned in as well.

Our lips touched so softly and I felt my entire body tightening in anticipation and longing. No kiss I had ever experienced had ever felt this way. It was soft at first but became longing and firm after a few seconds. It was over way too soon. Our lips parted, and he rested his forehead on mine. My eyes were still closed, while I tried to compose myself again. It felt like my heart was trying to escape my body, only to fly over and into his.

"I've wanted to do that since the first time I saw you…" Embry said. I opened my eyes and saw that he still had his closed. I didn't know what to say to him. I said the only thing I could think of. The only thing I kept thinking when I was alone.

"…I can't stop thinking about you…" I said looking into his eyes.

"…Then don't stop…" he said. I looked at him with wide eyes. This was just like my dream. He smiled and looked at my shocked face.

"What? Did I say something wrong?" he asked confused.

"No, nothing…just having a bit of a Déjà vu here…" I answered and continued: "I better go inside…but I'll see you soon?" I asked hoping he'd say tomorrow.

"Yeah…soon." He smiled and let go of my hand so I could unlock my door.

"Night Embry," I said in a low voice.

"Sweet dreams Nica…" Embry said, making my heart flutter even more than it already was.

I let myself slide down my front door as soon at I got inside. Bad habit. But nevertheless here I was again. Only this time, a smile was reaching my eyes. I knew I wasn't going to sleep anytime soon, as all the adrenaline was running through my veins. I pulled myself off the floor like so many times before, and went to brush my teeth.

I played the kiss over and over again in my mind and smiled at the thought. It had only left me wanting more.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry it's been so long since i've updated,** **but I've been on holiday. And was told yesterday that i've gotten into university :) super happy about that!**

 **Anyway, here's chapter 8 and i hope you like it... as a "i'm sorry for taking to long" its one of the longer ones. Please Please R &R, i really need your feedback to get a feel of how it's going! and let me know what you thought of the first kiss :) much love DN**

Chapter eight – First kiss aftermath…

I dreamt about him that night. I dreamt the kiss again and again, but this time it went a bit further than it actually did. In my dream the kiss had become plural, and I found myself up against the inside of my front door again, but this time, I wasn't alone. He held my face with his hands, as mine had a firm grip on the back of his t-shirt. He let his hands slide down from my face to my hips, and I felt how he led me towards the stairs going to my bedroom. Our tongues were gently caressing each other, and it felt like a scene from a movie. I wanted him so badly. Then I had heard my alarm clock.

I woke up sweating, hot and bothered, and my heart was beating as if I'd been running for half an hour.

I slid out of bed and went to shower. I thought about taking care of myself in the shower, but thought better of it, as I was already late for school. I grabbed my stuff and got dressed in no time.

Kim and I were chatting on the way to school in the car, and she was telling me about something Jared had said last night, which had made her cross with him. I didn't really listen at the last bit, so I didn't know what he had said to make her angry. My mind was once again on the kiss and Embry. How on earth did he have such power over my mind? I realized I didn't really know him that well…I mean, how old was he anyway? What did he do for fun around here? Had he had many girlfriends? Had he lived with any of them? Who did he live with? He never really mentioned any of his parents, and why was that?

A Kim, who was starring at me, with a wondering look, interrupted my train of thoughts.

"Where are you today?" she asked, and suddenly got a very hopeful look in her eyes: "Did something happen last night?"

"What? How did you…?" My sentence died out as soon as I realized what I was about to say.

"OH MY GOD NICA! TELL ME EVERYTHING!" Kim shouted in the car making me jump at her outburst.

"Easy Kim, it was just a kiss, not anything crazy…" I said thinking one kiss was less than what she had expected.

"That's HUGE Nica! Embry doesn't just kiss anybody! How was it? Who made the first move? Did you like it?" she asked loads of questions, and would have continued if I hadn't interrupted her.

"Hey calm down Kim, haha. I'll tell you everything…there's not too much to tell though…I mean…it was really nice…he's a good kisser…" I said and felt myself blush and I smiled looking down.

"Well, start from the beginning!" Kim demanded, and tried to look at me as much as she could, while still driving safely.

"Well…he walked me home, and as we were saying goodnight, it just sort of happened…I'm not even sure who made the first move…it just felt natural…like…it was bound to happen…does that make any sense?" I asked her. She was smiling.

"More than you know…" she scuffed with a knowing smile. Back then; I had no idea what she actually meant by that, and just assumed it was a figure of speech. I continued:

"It was really soft at first but then it a bit more like…I don't know…like he was taking a kiss from my lips, you know?" Kim was smiling from ear to ear but didn't say anything.

"And then he told me that…he'd wanted to kiss me from the moment he saw me…" I said looking at Kim from under my eyelashes. I felt a bit shy talking to her about this kind of stuff.

"So…do you like him?" Kim asked cautiously.

"…Yeah…I think I do…but I don't know what I'm doing Kim! I'm leaving this place in like 5 months, and I barely know the guy! But…he's…there's something about him…argh! I can't explain it!" I added in frustration. Kim looked like someone had just told her Santa was real after all. It made me smile.

Kim went on to tell me stuff about Embry that I didn't know. He lived by himself after his mom died, and he never knew his father. Some said that Sam Uley's dad might have been Embry's too, but it was never confirmed. He was a dog person, to which I was happy cause so was I, and he helped Paul Lahote out sometimes, doing some woodwork, like sculptures and wooden frames and things like that.

I wanted to ask about his dating life, but wasn't sure how to ask. Kim beat me to it.

"Oh and as for girlfriends, he's had a couple, but not anyone so serious that they moved in. At least not for long…He had one who lived with him, and she was kinda serious I guess." Kim said looking at the road. We were almost there.

"What was she like?" I asked, being too curious to hold it back.

"She was…nice…I think he was very in love with her, but it didn't work out. She moved into Seattle to study and then got a job in New York some time after…" Kim said.

"…What…was she good looking or…like…normal?" I asked, fearing the answer.

"Oh, she was gorgeous! People were so jealous when we went to school at the rez. She went to the school in Forks, but she'd come and pick him up after school sometimes, and the boys from the rez would be so jealous." Kim chuckled at the mental image she was creating. I was not. I had a really heavy knot in my stomach and it wouldn't budge.

We pulled up at the parking lot by the school, and Kim must have felt my sudden change of mood. She looked at me and tilted her head while saying:

"You're not thinking about weather you're hotter than his ex are you?" I couldn't really run from that one.

"Well…she just sounds great! I just…I'm just thinking he might have scaled down on the hotness scale when kissing me…" I answered knowing the sentence barely made sense.

"You can't be serious Nica! You're super hot! I don't say this to many girls, but seriously…you have nothing to worry about in that department! Plus, you dress super cool, your hair is long and blond, which is rare at the rez, and from what you're saying, I can tell you clearly didn't notice what happened that night you came to the bonfire…"

"What? What happened at the bonfire?" I asked trying to remember anything from that night that could have relevance.

"Every single rez guy, who didn't have a mate was ogling you! Loads! I had to check Jared wasn't for a second, haha"

"Mate? Is that slang?" I asked and saw that Kim's smile died down for a second then came back.

"…Yeah, something like that…but you see? They all wanted you as their…uhm…mate." Kim said. I felt better. I guess I was kind of attractive. I didn't give it much thought in the everyday life but yeah…I did have nice hair. It reached my shoulder blades and was glossy and thick. I had deep-blue eyes and long lashes. Plumb lips, nice boobs and a flat tummy. I guess I didn't have that long legs but guys tend to like someone small that they can protect…right?

I didn't think more of it that day, but the kiss did enter my mind a couple of times.

Before I knew it, I was back home after a day of telling Jules what had happened, and driving back with Kim, who was still thrilled about the turn of events.

I thought about going for a walk on the beach but decided to clean the house first.

I went for a walk in the evening on the beach and sat in the sand. I had my phone with me and felt a message tick in.

*"Hey Nica, I was just wondering what you were up to?"*

It was from Embry. I texted back immediately.

*"Not much, just sitting on the beach, what about you?"*

A few seconds after I pressed send, I got another text:

*"May I join you?"*

That was an easy one.

*"Sure, I'm close to the bonfire spot."*

10 minutes later I saw Embry walking towards me, and my stomach made a flip. He was wearing a white t-shirt with a navy-blue open shirt over it with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Fitted black jeans as always and navy-blue converse shoes. He looked really good.

"Hey…" he said smiling from ear to ear.

"Hey Embry…" I said while watching him sit down next to me. He looked at me in a fond way and I felt my body relax. We didn't speak for a little while, but just sat there staring at the water. A sense of peace came over me.

"How've you been?" Embry asked after a while.

"Good…Good…and you?" I asked still feeling relaxed.

"Yeah I've been good. Haven't done much today, so it's been a bit boring."

We talked for a while about our days, and then topic fell on what we were doing the upcoming weekend. I mentioned the sand sculpture exhibition on Saturday and we agreed we'd go with Kim and Jared.

"As long as I get to spend time with you…" Embry said, making me smile. I looked down for a second.

"…Maybe we should do something together in the evening on Saturday then?" I asked hopefully.

"Yeah, I'd really like that," Embry said with a big smile on his face. He looked like a happy puppy.

"Tell me something no one knows about you…" I said after a pause where we'd just been looking at the water. I was hoping to get go know him better.

"Well, that's a hard one…All the Rez boys know me pretty well...we...practically...read each other's minds…" he said looking sheepishly. I didn't know why.

"Oh, well then just tell me something I don't know..."

"Hmm…Let's see...you know I like to read a lot, but I also used to write my own books...I wanted to be a writer when I was younger, travel the world to get inspiration for my books."

"Why haven't you gone traveling then?" I asked in wonder. Nothing was really keeping him here other than the job for Jacob, but surely he wouldn't mind.

"I just...well, a lot of things happened so I have to stay here...I'll tell you more about it some day" he said, in a tone where I knew not to ask anymore questions about it. "What else?" I asked instead.

"Let me think...I love Italian food" he said and smiled.

"Me too, it's my favorite!" I said enthusiastically.

"What about you? Tell me something I don't know about you," he asked.

"Well..." I thought for a second, wondering what he actually knew about me already. "I'm kinda scared of the dark haha... And heights" I said laughing.

"That's cute..." He said looking down. Did he blush? I didn't know what to say, so I continued instead.

"Uhm I'm a dog person but don't mind cats. I favor converse and vans shoes, and rarely wear anything else..."

"I've noticed the thing about the shoes," he said interrupting. I blushed thinking about how cute he really was admitting that he'd been noticing me.

One thing I really liked about myself was that I was always sure of my style.

"What else have you noticed about me?" I couldn't help but ask.

"A lot of different things…but mainly that you're really…beautiful," he said first looking down and then into my eyes. I blushed and had to break the eye contact and look down.

"Thanks…I don't…know what to say," I said wanting to tell him he was gorgeous, but being too scared to actually say it so I continued instead.

"It's getting late, I should probably get back…" I said, not actually wanting to go.

"Yeah…why don't I walk you home?" Embry asked. I immediately said yes to his offer.

We were walking the short walk to my house and as many times before, I was wishing it to be longer. Embry was walking on my left side, talking about random things, and making me laugh. I felt his fingers brush against mine, as our hands swung next to each other. My instinct was to pull it away at the surprise contact, but I willed my hand to stay. I looked up at him to see, if I would be able to tell from his face, weather it was on purpose or not. He was smiling lightly, and biting his lower lip. Only just now did I notice that so was I, and I looked away just as I felt him take my hand and entwine his fingers with mine. A rush of warmth spilled through me starting from my tummy and I felt my breath stutter.

We walked the rest of the way hand in hand, and continued to talk about random things. My stomach was filled with warmth and butterflies.

We reached my front door and I fiddled with the keys looking down. I unlocked the door and turned back to face him.

"It's was nice getting to talk more to you" Embry said, making me look up and into his eyes.

"Yeah…it was nice…" I said, waiting and hoping he'd kiss me. Perhaps I should just kiss him?

He took a tiny step closer to me and closed the distance between us, while reaching for my face with his right hand. He brushed a loose strand of hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. He kept his hand there for a second holding my cheek. I held my breath. I didn't know what to do and felt petrified, only being able to look into his deep brown eyes. His thumb brushed over my cheek, and then over my lower lip. I closed my eyes and leaned into his hand. I lifted my own hand, and put it over his on my cheek, before opening my eyes again. God, he was so gorgeous. He leaned in, and as our lips touched, my whole world disappeared. Everything was nothing, and nothing was everything.

The kiss was soft at first, just like last time, but became more demanding and firm. My lips parted as we continued to kiss and his tongue brush over mine. My hands slid onto his back and I held on to his shirt, feeling like I'd fall if I didn't. My knees were weak, and I could feel myself give into him completely. I took a tiny step back, and felt my back up against my front door. His hands slid down my face and shoulder, and ended up on my lower back.

He pulled away slightly breaking the kiss, and put his forehead onto mine. We were both catching our breaths, and I felt like my arousal all the way up to my ears. My lower region was warm and wet, and I felt like every touch from him made my breath hitch. I wanted him badly. He pulled away be bit, but still having his hands on my hips. His eyes were glossy and I could tell he was aroused too. He cleared his throat and said:

"I'll see you soon, right?" I cleared mine as well.

"Yeah…soon. You've got my number… so, you can always text or something…" I said slightly dreamy, and reached for my door handle without even looking.

"Yeah, I'll text you" he said in a low voice. I opened the door and walked out of his touch, instantly feeling less warm. I never really thought about how insanely warm he always was.

"Okay…night…" I said breathlessly and practically stumbled inside.

"Night…"

I closed the door, and let go of a breath I didn't even know I was holding. For once my mind was completely blank. I didn't even think about what my body was doing while I got ready for bed.

I was lying on my bed in a t-shirt and underwear, and still felt the tinkle in my body from the kiss. My mind was now occupied with the kiss and how incredible it had felt. I just wanted more and more. This was a dangerous feeling. I was falling. Falling hard and fast.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hey guys, A new chapter is on, and I'm already writing the next one.**

 **i personally hate it when I'm caught in a story and then it just stops for like 4 months, so I'm trying to write whenever I'm inspired. I'm having some trouble with keeping the text in cursive during the chapters, but i hope it stays this time :) Please R &R some more, it's helping me everytime you do. **

**disclaimer: i don't own anything in this story and I'm certainly not making money from it.**

Chapter nine – arguments and a book…

I woke up smiling. The hot kisses from last night still felt imprinted on my lips. My thoughts instantly went to Embry, and I felt like a woman obsessed. I checked my phone to see if he had texted me. I had one text, but it wasn't from him, it was from Kim:

*Hey girl, since we don't have school today, why don't you come over when ever you wake up? Let me know*

Kim and I didn't have school today, as now we had gotten over the course intro days of school, classes weren't every day. This meant a lot more free time but more preparation for school. I didn't care about the prep, I had been reading ahead for a while, so I didn't have much to stress about.

I started walking towards Kim and Jareds place, after showering, and getting dressed. I realized I had forgotten to text her I was coming, but I didn't think it mattered too much.

As I walked up to the door I thought I heard raised voices. When I was right at the front door I could hear that it was Kim shouting at someone. What have Jared done now? I thought to myself, not sure if I should be worried for them.

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? DO YOU THINK SOMEONE IS JUST GONNA BE LIKE; HEY GUESS WHAT…?" she was interrupted by another voice:

"KIM, JUST GIVE IT A REST! I KNOW I HAVE TO DO IT! BUT IT'S NOT EXCATLY EASY, IS IT?"

That was Embry! I recognize his voice and felt my heart stop. He sounded so angry, something I'd never heard before. What's going on? Why are Embry and Kim arguing? I heard Kim sigh.

"I know it's not easy, but you can't take forever on this. Sooner or later you have to talk to her…otherwise…she might leave…" Kim said sounding a bit more gentle and empathizing. Now I was really confused. Talk to whom? I heard Jared meddle in.

"Kim…I know you're only doing this cause you care, but he's gonna have to do this his own way…you can't rush him," he sounded like he really didn't want to get in the middle of things.

"Kim, I'll do it…I just…I don't wanna screw this up…" Embry said. I could almost mentally see him running his hand through his hair, as he always did when frustrated, nervous or embarrassed.

I realized I was eavesdropping on my friends and suddenly felt bad. This was none of my business.

"I think we've got company," Jared said suddenly. Had he heard me? How on earth would that be possible? I panicked, feeling like I had been caught stealing or something.

In my panic I decided to just knock, and not pretend I hadn't heard anything. Lying never helped.

Jared opened the door and smiled at me.

"Hey Nica, come on in…" he said, looking at me in a friendly way.

"Hey…uhm…sorry if I'm interrupting anything…Kim texted me to come over?" I said looking over where Kim and Embry were standing. They were looking at each other, with eyes that could strangle someone. Kim turned to me, and her expression softened completely.

"Hey Nica, don't worry about it, we were just discussing something. No big deal. Why don't you go sit on the couch, and I'll get you something to drink?" she turned her attention to Jared, "Babe, could you help her turn on the TV?"

I thought that was odd. I knew how to turn on a TV…it wasn't exactly rocket science. But when I saw her gesture to Embry, to follow her into the kitchen, I knew it had nothing to do with the TV. I only just heard her whisper something to him:

"I cant believe you didn't notice her coming!" I heard Embry whisper something back that sounded like:

"Sorry! I was busy shouting at you!" he sounded angry again.

So they were shouting about me? It certainly sounded like it. Their argument went through my head again. You have to tell her. It's not easy. She might leave. I don't wanna screw this up. What the hell was going on? I didn't what to be totally paranoid, and just decide it had been me, they were talking about, but I was fairly sure it was.

Jared was next to me, and I noticed him looking at me. I realized I had been staring towards the kitchen where Embry and Kim had disappeared into.

"Oh, sorry…so what's up? What's the argument about?" I asked trying to sound casual.

"…Nothing serious, don't worry," Jared said smiling before continuing: "They just argue sometimes, and it's rarely something serious…" I didn't believe him, but decided to let it go for now. I'd ask Kim about it, when I got her alone. That turned out to be sooner than later. I heard the door to the kitchen slam, and then almost straight after, the front door slam as well. I looked at Jared.

"Uhm…I'm just gonna check on Kim…" he said, and walked to the kitchen.

A few moments later Kim came into the living room.

"God, I'm so sorry Nica, about this mess…heh…" she laughed nervously.

"Don't worry…but what was that about? I've never heard Embry shout like that?" I asked, thinking I'd tell her what I'd heard.

"We just had a disagreement. Nothing huge…" she said, avoiding my eyes.

"Kim, I don't believe that! Something's up, I heard you shouting all the way outside. Am I wrong if I say that…It was about…me?" I asked afraid to sound paranoid. Kim didn't look up.

"…It's not completely wrong," she said.

"I heard you saying that he should talk to me about something…it sounded really serious? Like…he thought it might…screw something up?" I asked seeking her eyes with mine. She looked up in surprise.

"That's what you heard?" she looked relieved.

"Is there more? Seriously Kim, what the hell is going on?" I was getting a bit frustrated.

"No, no there's nothing more…I just…we were…I thought that he should talk to you…" she said slowly, and continued ever slower: "and…he disagreed…but…I just…thought he should tell you…that...he likes you and ask you out on a date!" she said suddenly looking relieved. I had no idea why. Was she relieved that she'd thought of something to say, or because she got it of her chest or…what was going on. I was even more confused than when I asked her to begin with.

"That's…that's what you were shouting about? Him asking me out on a date?" I looked at her like she had just told me that unicorns existed, and continued: "Why on earth would that be something to argue so loudly about?" I asked in disbelieve. There was a pause while she looked down.

"I just…well, you know I like you Nica. And I guess I was pushing him to do it because, I was hoping that you would stay here, if you guys became a proper thing…you know?" she said smiling.

"Oh… I guess I can kinda see that," I said. I guess that kind of made sense from what they'd said.

"Why would Embry think that it would screw it up to ask me out on a date?" I asked after a while.

"I guess…he might be worried that you would think it was too fast?" she said, not sounding sure of her own words.

We sat down to watched TV. I was still thinking about the argument between them and suddenly had a thought:

"Where are Embry and Jared by the way?"

"Oh, Embry left slamming the doors cause I got him angry, and Jared went after him to calm him down…" she said only looking at me from the corner of her eyes.

"Maybe I should get going…it's clearly not a great time," I said feeling misplaced.

"No, no don't worry about it Nica," Kim said putting her hand on my arm, as to make me stay.

"I don't mind Kim, I've got some preparation for my next classes to do anyway," I lied. It wasn't that I didn't want to hang out with Kim, but I just felt like I had been dumped in the middle of a really awkward situation, and thought some air would clear it up.

"Well, if you're sure…but before you go, I have something I want you to borrow," she said while getting up from the couch.

She came back from her bedroom with a book in her hand. It was brown and looked old.

"I know you like books, and I thought this might interest you."

I took the book in my hands and read the title. **Quileute Legends**. It really looked interesting.

"Thanks Kim! It looks cool."

"It's about the local tribes legends…I thought you might…find it interesting…but be careful, it's really old and it's actually Jareds." She said and put her hands in her pockets.

I walked home after saying goodbye to Kim and I felt better. I just needed to give Kim and the others some space to figure all that stuff out.

I sat on my balcony on some pillows, with a drink next to me on my café table, candles on the railing, and my borrowed book in my hands. It was really interesting. The legends about the wolf people, and the cold ones had me captivated from the first page, and I had forgotten everything about my drink. I imagined what they would look like and didn't even notice that it had gotten dark.

I got up from my seat, and felt the usual nervous knot in my stomach, from having to be in the dark. I blew out the candles as the last thing and went inside my bright bedroom. I had forgotten to eat dinner.

I went downstairs and cooked some pasta with pesto, and ate it while reading the book. I was completely absorbed when I heard a knock on my door. I jumped slightly, and my heart stopped for a split second. I laughed at my own silliness.

I opened the door and found Kim standing there.

"Hey Kim, what's up? Wanna come in?"

"Yeah sure, I was just at Bellas place, and thought I'd stop by on my way home." She said while coming in.

"That's nice of you. Would you like a drink?" I asked, immediately noticing that the tension from earlier was completely gone.

"Yeah I could use one after today, haha," she laughed as I passed her a glass of wine.

"And incase you're wondering, Embry and I have made up, so there's no awkwardness there," she chuckled. I was glad.

"Hey, I started reading the book you lent me, and seriously, I haven't been able to put it down! It's so fascinating," I said and sat down next to her on the couch.

"Yeah? What do you think so far about the legends?" she asked curiously.

"Well…it's very interesting to read what the tribes used to believe…and the wolf people sound really cool. I think the whole protection from evil thing, is awesome! I kinda wish they were actually real, haha…I know I for one would feel safer, and less scared of the dark," I said laughing. Kim was smiling from ear to ear.

"I know right? It's like having a group of superheros around," Kim said and quickly continued: "I mean, if they were real, it would be like that."

We went on to talk a bit more about random things, and the topic fell on Embry and I. I told her about the kiss last night, and about our plans for Saturday evening. After having drunk a bottle of wine and talked for hours, Kim got up to go home.

"I'm happy we actually had time to talk tonight! I'm sorry today was so crazy," Kim said and hugged me goodbye.

"Don't worry about it, it happens." I said as we walked to the door. Kim walked out the door and said:

"I'll see you tomorrow," I waved goodbye to her, and went inside.

Once again in bed, my thoughts went to Embry. God, he was so dreamy. I couldn't help but thinking about having heard him shout. He sounded so angry. It was kinda hot. God what's wrong with you Nica! Angry isn't hot! I had to go to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hey guys! I just wanted to say thanks for reading my story. PLEASE R &R. I hope that you feel like I take what you say seriously, and therefore i dedicate this chapter to Red Skippy as a thank you for the review, and help :) much love DN**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own anything, only Stephanie Meyer does (And in this case Disney as well).**

Chapter ten – nightmare and the rescuers…

"What are you guys saying?" I asked, scared of the answer.

"I'm saying you're not welcome here."

"We don't want you here, why is that so hard to believe? And you're leaving anyway, so why get so attached?"

"Yeah, isn't that your usual memo? Hang around for a couple of months, and then fuck of to the next place?"

I felt tears fall down my cheeks.

"But…But this is different? YOU guys are different! How can you say this?" I said with a voice filled with tears.

"Just face it…you don't belong anywhere…and you'll never find a place to belong!" "God, you're pathetic" she spat out.

I looked into the eyes of my best friends. Jules. Kim. Jared. And last. Embry. His deep brown eyes looked straight into mine, with the coldest look I've ever seen in my life. It made me feel worthless, and my heart broke when I heard him say:

"You weren't that special anyway Nica…"

I sat up in my bed with a start, and held on to my covers, as if my life depended on it. Oh god… I heard myself sob, and realized I was still crying. I couldn't stop. So I just sat there in the dark, crying into the palms of my hands.

After a minute or two, I started to regain control of my breathing, and calmed down a bit. It was just a dream, but it had felt so real! It felt like all my fears had been put into one nightmare.

I turned to look at my alarm clock, and saw it was 1.47am. I felt the dark create a knot in my stomach, and turned my bedside lamp on. Just as I did so, a text ticked in on my phone. I took my phone, and felt fear hold onto me again.

It was from Embry. God Nica, it was just a dream! I read the text as I sat up against the headboard.

*Couldn't sleep, I hope I'm not waking you. I was just thinking about you :) *

I smiled. Surely Embry wouldn't text me in the middle of the night, just to tell me he was thinking about me, if he didn't think I was at least a little special.

"Strange that he texted me just after a nightmare…" I said out loud still smiling. That was a bad habit…talking to myself.

*Crazy coincidence, I've actually just woken up from a nightmare. Why are you awake? *

I put my phone down for a second, and put on some knitted socks, and went towards the stairs with my phone in my hand. A text ticked in.

*What was the nightmare about? If you don't mind me asking? :) I just woke up and felt restless. *

*I don't mind…but it's kind of embarrassing. Just dreamt that all my friends here said, that they didn't want to be my friends anymore…I know it sounds a bit silly and teenage-like, haha… but it was really upsetting :) *

I went into my kitchen, and decided to make a cup of tea. I didn't think I'd get much sleep anyway, so a soothing cup of tea would be nice. I got another text just as the water was boiling. I made my tea while I read it.

*That does sound upsetting! Not silly at all, but very unrealistic :) Your friends love you! At least Kim has said so :) you still upset? *

I thought for a second…Yeah, I kind of still was. It had really left a strange feeling in my stomach. The same feeling I got whenever I decided to leave a place. I knew I had to sit down one day, and actually think about why I always left.

*Well…Yeah, a bit I guess…I do feel a bit silly though…I know it was just a dream. :) But I guess it takes a little to shake off. I'm just making a cup of tea. *

I sat down on my grey couch, and grabbed one of my blue pillows. I hugged it to my body, and felt a little comforted. My phone vibrated.

*Do you want me to come over? I don't mind…we could talk? :) *

I read the text twice. God, that was so sweet! It was 2.08 am and he was offering to come over because I had a nightmare. My stomach fluttered, and I wanted to say yes. But I didn't want him to think it was a booty-call…but surely he wasn't like that?

*Well…if you're offering…it would actually be nice :) I can't sleep anyway… *

As soon as I pressed send, I panicked. What am I wearing!? I rushed upstairs, and put on some black and soft jogging trousers with white tying strings, and a black sweatshirt that said, "more issues than vogue". Lastly I took a look at my hair. It was actually kind of cool. I always platted my hair, in a plat that went from one side to the other, when I went to bed, and now it just looked a bit messy and loose, but in a pajamas commercial way. I went downstairs again, and sat on my couch with my tea.

*Okay…I'll be over in 15 minutes :) *

I read it, and my butterflies intensified. I looked around my living room, and was pleased with the way it looked. The lights that I had turned on, fell in a nice golden warm shine, and it wasn't too bright, so it was kind of like having candles on.

A few minutes later, I heard a knock on my door. I flew up to open it.

Embry was standing there also in jogging trousers and a hoodie. All black with white trims, kind of like mine. And his usual navy blue converse.

"Hey…" he said smiling.

"Hi…Thanks for coming over," I said also smiling. He looked good.

He entered my house directly into my living room/kitchen, and I noticed he had a bag with him. Before I had time to wonder what was in there he said:

"I brought a few things to cheer you up…I hope you don't mind."

"Why would I mind that? That's so nice of you," I said smiling, with a slightly sleepy voice.

"Would you like some tea?" I asked while going into the kitchen.

"Sure, that will go well with the biscuits I brought," he said and pulled out some Foxes thick chocolate biscuits.

"Oh my god, they're my favorite!" I said enthusiastically and chuckled, "How did you know?"

"Haha, I didn't…they're my favorite too." He smiled at me, and my stomach warmed with the thought of how much we had in common. I put down his tea, and we both sat on the couch with our mugs and biscuits.

Half an hour later we were chatting away.

"Okay, favorite drink?" I asked.

"What like, of all drinks? Or alcoholic drinks?" he asked smiling.

"Of all," I clarified.

"Easy…Coke," he said smiling.

"Mine too, haha…but not diet, I hate that…"

"Yeah, I don't like that either…. favorite TV series?"

"Hmm…that's a hard one…New Girl or…Bones…I think…or Baby Daddy! That's really funny…what about you?" I asked sipping my second cup of tea.

"Breaking bad I think…but I like Bones as well! I've never seen New Girl or Baby Daddy though," Embry said.

After a while, Embry said that he'd actually brought something else as well.

"I thought of it because of your nightmare. When I was a kid, my mom used to put this on if I had a nightmare. It's a bit silly…but…yeah…" Embry pulled out a DVD from his bag, looking a bit embarrassed. He flashed one of his trademark-crooked smiles, and had a slight blush on his cheeks.

"The rescuers," I read out loud. I hadn't heard of the title, but I recognized the cartoon-front with two mice.

"Wait a minute! This is Bernard and Bianca!" I said feeling nostalgic and continued: "I've only seen this on VHS, and it was in Danish! I loved this!" I looked at him with wide eyes smiling.

"Haha, I think we have more in common than first assumed. How crazy is that? We've both watched this as kids, but on two separate continents, haha," Embry smiled from ear to ear.

"I just thought it might cheer you up…even though it's a bit silly," he said for the second time.

"Let's watch it! Seriously it's not silly at all," I answered happily. I felt spoiled. I felt like we were growing closer by the minute, and was really happy I had said yes to him coming over.

The movie started, and after a while, it felt natural to lean towards him. I felt how he put his arm on the back of the couch, and not long after, I scooted over so he had his arm around my shoulder.

I looked up at him, a little while into the film, and smiled a tiny smile. I felt my eyes fill with affection.

"Thank you Embry…for all this…coming over when I have a nightmare and bringing stuff to cheer me up…it's…really nice of you," I said looking into his eyes.

The hand that wasn't around my shoulder came up to my cheek, and he caressed it with his thumb, as lightly as a feather. It gave me chills, and I felt like an electric charge went through me. It felt fantastic, and I got lost in his eyes and touch for a second. I had never felt anything like it.

"I'm happy to be here…whenever you need me," he said, his voice almost a whisper.

He closed the already short distance between us, and I realized I had been moving towards him without even thinking about it. I felt a pull towards him that I'd never felt before in my entire life.

As our lips met in a tender kiss, I felt my heart beating faster. Could he feel it too? I put my hand on his chest, and grabbed his t-shirt in a firm grasp, while I let his tongue enter my mouth and caress my own. It felt amazing, and my head felt light and almost dizzy.

I put my other hand on his thigh close to his knee, and I heard his breath hitch. It was such a hot sound, that I let out a tiny moan in his mouth. It felt empowering that such a small touch from me, could cause a reaction like that from both of us.

I felt how our kisses became faster, and more needy, and my entire body was screaming for him. His hands were cupping my face, and mine were on his chest, pulling at his t-shirt in no particular direction, as if I wanted to split it in two. I moved as close as I could, without ending up in his lap, and I felt one of his hands sliding to the back of my neck pulling me closer, and the other around my back grasping my sweatshirt.

Our kisses slowed down and became tender again. I felt conflicted. On one hand my body was longing for him in a way I'd never experienced with any man before, but on the other hand, I wasn't ready to give in to my lust.

He pulled away slightly and kissed my lips feather lightly, and rested his forehead on mine while still grasping my sweatshirt and the back of my neck. We were both sat there with open mouths breathing fast and uncontrolled. My hands were holding onto his t-shirt at his sides and I opened my eyes, and looked into his.

"…What are you doing to me?" I whispered breathlessly, while smiling. He breathed out a tiny laugh, and said with eyes as full of lust as mine:

"I was about to ask you the same thing."

I kissed his lips gently, and pulled further away from him, letting go of his t-shirt. We sat there, looking at each other for a few seconds smiling, and I had to look down feeling a little embarrassed being watched like this. I imagined my hair would be a mess, and my cheeks red and flustered.

"Do you…wanna…rewind the film…a bit?" Embry asked smiling a crooked smile, which told me he wasn't sure what to do right now either.

"Uhm…heh…yeah, sure lets do that," I answered, and reached for the remote.

I settled into the nook under his arm again, and closed my eyes, as I felt him kiss the top of my head softly. He was fantastic. Not long after, I fell asleep cuddled up against him.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hey guys, thanks for the reviews! please keep them coming! Especially for this chapter! really gonna want to hear what you think on this one. This was the HARDEST one so far. I had to rewrite it three times with different ways it should go, but I'm pretty satisfied with how it went. I hope you're as shocked as i was ;)**

 **Chapter eleven – wake up and confront your past…**

I started to wake up slowly, not even aware of my surroundings yet. I hadn't slept this well in years, and didn't want it to be over yet. I felt an arm draped over my side, and something behind me. I opened my eyes, and saw that I had my head on an arm, that was casually hanging of the couch. Couch? Oh right! Nightmare, Embry, couch! I stirred slightly, afraid to wake him. I couldn't believe we had slept on the couch together. I wondered what time it was.

I turned around in his arms to face him. He was still sleeping. I was just lying there taking in his features. His dark eyelashes twitched slightly, and his full lips were slightly parted. I moved closer to his face and brushed my lips over his in a gentle kiss. God, he was so perfect.

I felt him stir slightly but he didn't wake up. I moved out of his embrace and went into the kitchen. I started making tea and heard a light knock on my front door. Oh no, who's that? And what will whoever it is think, seeing Embry asleep on my couch?

I opened the door halfway, poking my head out to see who it was. My eyes were met by Kim standing with a wondering look, and her finger pointing towards something behind me.

"Is…is that Embry on your couch?" she asked almost in a whisper.

"Uhm…" I looked over my shoulder at the sleeping Embry, and squeezed through the door gap and closed it behind me.

"Yeah…He came over during the night…" I said not sure how to explain it other than that.

"What do you mean during the night?" Kim asked smiling.

"Well…I woke up last night around 2 am after having a horrible nightmare, and he texted me that he couldn't sleep either…so…he came over with biscuits and a film…to cheer me up," I said smiling a huge smile and continued: "Isn't that just the nicest thing ever?" I asked a smiling Kim.

"That's so cute! See, I told you he was a good guy!" Kim said nudging my shoulder with her hand.

"I never doubted that, haha," I said, before saying: "But could we meet up later? I just don't want to wake him with you here…no offence,"

"Oh sure. Of course! I'll just see you later! Have fun," she added the last bit with a smile and a wink.

I went inside again and remembered that I was making tea.

Once I had two cups of tea, I went over to Embry, and sat next to him on the couch, having placed the cups on the coffee table. I started tracing his cheekbones, and the bridge of his nose, with my fingers. I saw a tiny smile grow on his lips, and a matching one grew on mine. He slowly opened his eyes, and looked at me.

"Morning…" I said, still brushing my thumb over his cheek. He reached up and took my hand. I thought he wanted me to stop, but instead he kissed my fingers and said:

"Morning beautiful…" I smiled a big smile, and handed him his tea.

"What time is it?" he asked, and sipped his tea.

"It's 10.30," I answered and saw him lift his eyebrows.

"Oh shit, I'm late for patrol," he said and sat up. I whished he didn't have to leave. He put his shoes on while sitting next to me, and looked up at me when he was done.

"Can I see you later?" he asked in a low voice. It made my stomach flip.

"Sure…do you have anything in mind?" I asked.

"Not really…I just wanna see you," he said looking a bit shy again.

"…I wanna see you too," I smiled. He leaned in and kissed me really gently. The kiss being gentle didn't last long, and soon I felt his hand on the back of my neck, pulling me closer to him. My hands were on the front of his t-shirt grasping it and pulling him closer.

I broke the kiss unwillingly, and said breathlessly:

"Patrol Embry…You have patrol…"

"Right…you just distracted me, haha," he said smiling. He gave me one last kiss, and got up and left after saying "I'll see you later".

I grabbed a shower, and called Kim after putting on todays outfit.

"Hey Kim, are you free?" I asked in a chipper voice.

"Yeah, do you want me to come over? Or would you rather come here? I mean, Jared is here so…maybe you wanna talk at yours?" I could hear she was trying to hold back a tiny laugh. I knew she was happy about what had happened last night, and she didn't even really know what happened yet.

"Yeah come over haha…no Jared is probably for the best," I said snickering into the phone.

I was throwing a quick lunch together when Kim came in the door.

"I assumed you were alone, so I just decided to barge in haha," she said with a crooked smile walking into the kitchen.

"And if I wasn't?" I asked her with a matching smile.

"Well…would have been a happy coincidence then haha," she laughed and I joined her.

After eating, Kim and I talked for a while. I told her about last night but didn't elaborate about the nightmare. She told me that it was one of the sweetest things she'd ever heard. She then told me that she and Jared had had a fight last night.

"He just wouldn't say what was bothering him! I just sat there not knowing what was wrong, and was like "I can't ready you bloody mind like the boys can!" so just…" Kim stopped and looked at me looking a bit shocked.

"What?" I asked suddenly worried.

"…I didn't mean that they…can ACTUALLY read minds…just…" she said letting out a nervous laugh.

"Hahaha, I know Kim! How crazy would that be," I said laughing, then continued: "I get it, it's like a figure of speech…Right?"

"Oh, Yeah…A figure of speech," Kim made another nervous laugh; maybe she thought I'd think she'd gone crazy or something.

"Anyway…" Kim continued: "So, I was like "You need to tell me what's going on" but he just kept still, and then I just went to bed really angry at him! He then came in later and admitted that he was upset because he wanted to talk more about us having kids, but felt bad for saying it because he knew I'd be annoyed…Such an idiot," Kim said and rolled her eyes.

"Wait, you're talking about having kids?" I asked a little surprised, this was the first I heard about that.

"Well, Jared is talking about **me** have **his** kids… **I** on the other hand have already said, that I need to get my nursing classes done, so I have a stable income! But he just wants kids now…I said to him, that I want to have kids when I'm so ready for it, that I cant wait to pee on the bloody stick!" Kim said sounding more like an inner monolog.

"Kim, this is a big deal…I mean…you **should** talk about this and plan it but…do you want to have kids?"

"…Yeah…I do," Kim said smiling.

"With Jared?" I clarified smiling, and already knowing the answer.

"I would never have kids with anyone else! He's gonna be an amazing father!" Kim said.

"…I know you're being sensible…but…I think you should do it someday! But do you wanna be married first?"

Kim thought for a bit.

"I kinda feel like we're already married…we've been together so long, and with the impr…uhm…seriousness of our relationship, we both know that we'll be together until we die."

We didn't say anything for a few minutes. We just smiled. I felt happy for Kim and Jared. They were really good together, and I hadn't met anyone who complimented each other as well as they did before.

Kim and I spend the afternoon chatting and laughing. I was getting some drinks from the kitchen when I heard a knock on my door. Kim said something funny from the garden, which made me laugh. I went to open it, still laughing, and my heart stopped and my laugh died instantly, when I saw whom it was.

"…Thomas?" I lost my breath. I felt like I couldn't think. "Wha…why…how did you…what are you doing here?"

"I came to find you…and it wasn't easy Nica…but I'm here" he flashed the smile I had seen so many times before, but hadn't seen in over a year. I didn't know what to say.

I felt Kim come over to stand next to me.

"Hi…I'm Kim…Who are you?" She asked. I could hear in her voice that she was guarded.

"Hi, I'm Thomas Morgan…Nicas…friend from Kentucky," Tom answered, still looking at me. Suddenly my head became really clear.

"Why are you here Tom?" I asked feeling angry.

"Nica…I came to see you…do you have any idea how long I've looked for you?" Tom looked hurt by the anger in my voice. Then he continued: "I know what I did wasn't right…but I just want a chance to…talk…you left so sudden so I never got a chance to…" I interrupted him.

"What? A chance to tell me that you picked her over me within **seconds** of having been given the choice?" I half shouted. When he didn't say anything but just looked at his shoes, I sighed.

Kim was standing next to me with wide eyes, clearly not being in on what was going on, but not in a hurry to go away either.

"Nica…" Tom began again, and I interrupted him once more.

"Look, it's a long time ago…but I don't know if I have anything to say to you really." I felt my eyes sting with tears that I pushed back. He did not get to see me cry, and I desperately tried to push away the remaining feelings for him that were moving around in my stomach like tiny warm butterflies. I had never really been able to get rid of completely.

"Well, you might not have anything to say but I do! I'm in town for a couple of days, and I really think you should hear me out…"

As I thought this couldn't get worse, or more awkward, I heard footsteps in the gravel behind Tom. Tom turned around, and I saw Embry waking up my front porch. Shit.

"Hey…what going on?" Embry asked hesitating, looking as weary as Kim. When I didn't answer Tom said:

"…Hey man, I'm Tom. Nicas friend," extending his hand for Embry to shake. Embry held his back for a second, but then took Toms in his. You could tell they were sizing each other up. Kim was the next to speak.

"Maybe Embry and I should go…and you two can talk about whatever it is you have to talk about…you okay Nica?" Kim looked at me a bit concerned. Embry looked out right pissed with a look that seemed to say, "Who the fuck is this clown?".

"…Yeah, I guess…but I'll text you guys later," I said, wanting this to end as soon as possible.

Embry and Kim left reluctantly, Embry more so than Kim, and Tom and I went inside. Tom put down his backpack, and looked around. I took the moment to look him over. He looked like himself. His dark blonde hair swept to one side, slightly covering his ice blue eyes. He had studs in his ears, a loose tank on so you could see his tattooed arms. He also wore black skinny jeans and black vans. As always he wore his rings on his thumbs and index fingers, and leather bracelets. I noticed the bracelet with three dark black pearls that I had left at his place that night, and felt a tug in my stomach. He'd kept it. And wore it.

 **A/N: sorry for the cliff guys, but i promise to update as fast as possible, and not let you hang there for long. I'm already writing chapter 12 as I'm writing this note. What do you think happened here? and what did Tom do? And what do you think of Tom? please let me know, much love! DN xxxx**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hellllloooo, so sorry about the wait! hopefully I'll get better in time, but having started university, and moving to a different city, I've had a lot to deal with! I hope you're all well?**

 **Right, I've had some problems with the cursive function on here, so it might all be in cursive, but thats not suppose to happen, so just ignore that.**

 **Red Skippy have agreed to be my beta, so the next chapters are hopefully gonna be better since I will have had another set of eyes on them. Anyway, I hope you like it and that you'll R and R!**

 **R AND R PLEASE!**

 **Chapter twelve – decisions, decisions…**

Tom sat down on my couch and so did I. It was crazy to think that I had been here with Embry this morning, and now someone from my past was sat exactly where Embry had been.

"So this is your home now?" Tom asked still looking around.

"Yeah…I finally have one," I said still holding back.

"What's that like? When we knew each other, I'd never expect you to settle down anywhere," He said finally looking at me.

"Tom…how did you find me?" I asked not even smiling.

"Well…I looked for you for a while, and actually found out that you'd gone to Wisconsin and Nevada…but I didn't find you until Amy finally cracked, and told me where you were," Tom explained. Amy was a mutual friend I still kept in contact with now and then, but I had told her not to tell anyone where I'd gone.

"I should have known she'd tell you one day," I said, again sounding a bit angry looking down.

"Look…Nica…I know things went…well, not great last time…" I huffed at this. That was the understatement of the year! Tom continued: "…But I'm really sorry for what happened…I should have handled things better. I just didn't know what to do."

"Well…Getting back together with your ex girlfriend while I was still in your bed naked, after having confessed that I loved you, was not exactly your best move ever!" I said. I felt so angry! All the feelings of being rejected were coming back to me.

"…I know…" Tom said quietly, "I just didn't know what to do…"

"Yeah, you said that!"

"Nica…the reason I've looked for you is…that I want you to know that… I never should have let you disappear like that," He ran his hand through his hair.

Here he was…the only guy I'd ever loved. His ice-blue eyes were looking into mine, and my mind sent flashbacks through my head.

"I can't forgive you…you threw me away like I meant nothing to you," I said with tears in my eyes. I continued: "Besides, I've moved on and I'm seeing someone." Tom looked hurt.

"Can I at least see you again before I go back to Kentucky?" Tom asked with begging eyes.

"…I don't really see the point of that," I answered, having controlled the threatening tears. Tom lifted his hand, and put it on my cheek, and brushed his thumb over it just like he did that night.

"…I've missed you…so much that it hurts…if I could choose again…I'd choose you Nica," Tom said in a low voice. I looked up at him. His beautiful eyes that I'd never been able to say no to.

"That's the thing though Thomas…" I took his hand off my face, "you didn't…I don't want to be someones second choice…I don't even what there to be a question about it. We were **best friends** , and I **never** thought you do that to me," I said just as low.

Tom looked at me with slightly parted lips as if he was going to say something in his defense, but instead he lowered his head.

"You're so different…" he said in a low voice, then continued:

"So…that's it? You won't forgive me?"

"…I'll forgive you...eventually…but I'll never go back to you. I'm not who I was before…and I don't need you in my life."

Tom looked like he finally got the message, and looked hurt and angry.

"You'll never find anyone like me," he said slightly cold but mostly hurt.

"That's the point Tom…" I said just as cold.

Tom got up and grabbed his backpack. I walked him to the door.

"I'm glad you're doing well," Tom said looking down.

"Thanks," I said holding the door open as he walked out of it.

"If you want to…talk or see me…if you change your mind, you know where I am," Tom said fixing his eyes on me. I didn't know if he was going to hug me goodbye, but I didn't really want to give him the opportunity.

"Okay…bye Tom…" I closed the door, and broke our eye contact.

It felt like I had been punched in the stomach, and let myself slide down my front door. I was actually surprised. I felt a bit better after knowing he'd regretted his decision. I knew I wouldn't regret mine.

My thoughts went to Embry. Warm, sweet, handsome, brown-eyed Embry. I smiled. No. I wouldn't regret my decision. There hadn't even been a question about it.

My train of thoughts was interrupted by a knock on the door, and I got up from floor to open it.

Kim was standing there looking rather flustered.

"So? What happened?" She asked before I could say anything.

"Have you been waiting outside all this time?" I asked, not answering her question.

"Yeah," she said brushing off the fact that it was kind of intruding: "So what happened? Is he your ex?"

I opened the door further so she could enter my living room.

"He's…not exactly an ex…he was my best friend. But things got complicated," I said, as I made some tea.

"Meaning you slept together…" Kim said matter-of-factly.

"…Yeah…and then it just…crashed and burned really," I answered, and then continued as I sat her cup of tea in front of her.

"It's kind of a long story but…basically…we were best friends…he had had a girlfriend for years when I met him. I fell in love with him, and it was the first time I'd ever been in love. His girlfriend left him one day and for a few weeks they were apart and he and I got closer and closer. Then one day, I told him that I had loved him for months…and he told me that he was falling in love with me as well…and then…you know…we slept together…and it was just one of those nights of like…sex and talking sex and talking, and it was early in the morning when we finally fell asleep. I then woke up a couple of hours later when I felt him get out of bed…I heard him open the front door and I heard his ex saying she couldn't live without him, and I was laying there…naked…expecting to hear him say that it was too late…instead he said that he loved her, and wanted to get back together..."

There was a long pause where Kim didn't say anything. She just sat there looking at me with wide eyes and a slightly open mouth. Stunned I guess. It was rare that Kim was speechless, but she certainly was now.

Kim finally opened her mouth further to say something: "What did you do?"

"What do you mean, what did I do? I grabbed my stuff faster than you can say: "One-night stand" and climbed down the fire escape," I said, with a sad smile, "I felt my feet itching again and so I quit my job, and went on the road again, as I always do".

"What a total fucking asshole!" Kim said looking pissed.

"I know…do you see why I wasn't exactly thrilled to see him?"

"Heh, yeah…I mean, had I known this when he was here, I'd probably have kicked him in the balls!" Kim chuckled, then continued: "So…are you okay? Did he explain why he did it?"

"I'm okay…I don't really think I gave him a chance to explain…but I told him that I didn't want to see him, and that I didn't need him in my life…I was so different back then," I said, that last part mainly to myself.

"Different how?" Kim asked.

"Well…Tom was my first love, and I did everything for him. I let him walk all over me, without him knowing he did so, because I never objected. He never compromised, because he didn't have to. I'd already done that. In reality, he was very selfish I guess…I was a pushover back then...and…I never stood up for myself…a year chances a person. I have learned to stand my ground and speak my mind. The girl Tom knew had him up on a pedestal he didn't belong on. And that girl could never say no to him, or see his flaws…but I think the worst part was…I changed who I was for him…how I dressed, how I spoke and acted...I never want to be with someone again who changes who I am," I fell silent after that.

It felt like a knot in my stomach, I hadn't even noticed had formed, lifted and let go of me.

"Waw…sounds really tough," Kim said: "I've only ever been in love with Jared, and that was pretty drama free once he impr…uhm…embraced his feelings for me".

"Yeah…it was tough…but it made me who I am today...don't you just hate it when people say that? I mean, I know it's true and all, but it's just such a cliché!" I said laughing.

"I know what you mean," Kim said also laughing.

We spend the afternoon talking about Tom, Embry, how they were so different and then about the fact that I hadn't actually assessed our relationship status. I was making us dinner when Kim talked some sense into me.

"Sorry, I just…it's all happening a bit fast I think…" I sudden felt scared that I was rushing into something, which felt stupid, because all I wanted was to be with Embry.  
"Nica, don't worry so much, it's really not that fast…it's not like you slept with him the first time you kissed…Plus, you guys are so right for each other, everybody knows it!" Kim said matter-of-factly.

Kim and I ate and talked, and when it was 10 pm Kim went home. I was sat on my couch, having an inner battle. I really wanted to go and see Embry, but I knew it was really late to just pop over.

Finally I got up. I had to see him. I grabbed my bag and locked the door. I'd never been to Embrys house, but I knew where I was.

After a short walk, I was at his house. It looked like Kim and Jareds house, but it was painted red, with white windows and doorframes. The light was on in what I assumed was the bedroom upstairs. I knocked on the door hoping it was loud enough to hear upstairs.

The light came on down stairs and I felt my heart beating faster.

The door opened and a vision of Embry in black cotton jogging trousers and shirtless, met my eyes.

"Hi, sorry about coming over this late," I said looking into his chocolate brown eyes.

"That's okay…is something wrong?" He asked nervously with one hand on the door.

I took a step forward and hugged him. I felt his arms around me, but he felt tense. I rested my head on his chest.  
"No…nothing's wrong…I just had to see you…and…tell you something," I said with a small smile. I looked up at him and kissed him, and felt him relax a bit.

"I really like you…and…I've never really done this before, but…I want it to be us…and just us…no one else…" I said, looking into his eyes. A warm smile grew on his face.

"I'd really like that…just you and me," Embry said and kissed me.

I felt my body react in a way I'd never experienced before. I felt addicted to him. It felt nothing like it had, when I had kissed anyone before him.

I kissed him one more time and turned intending to leave, thinking it was late and I would let him go to sleep. He took my hand before I even took the first step and said: "Stay…please…" His eyes were calm, and full of endearment.

"Okay…I'll stay," I said and smiled at him. Once again, a rush went through my stomach, and I felt almost an actual pull towards him.

That night, I felt content. I felt happy…and home.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hey guys, i know i haven't posted in a while, but things have been crazy... hopefully I'll be better in the future! As always, i would really really love some feedback, so please R &R. **

**I feel like the story is really kicking off now, and this chapter is a bit of a strange one, but bare with! Oh, and Smut alert ;) - your DN**

 **Chapter thirteen – Secrets and fear**

I felt something behind me, warm and hard. At first I was confused, but then I realized I was in Embrys bed. I remembered how he had asked me to stay the night before, and then walked me upstairs.

After lying talking for about an hour, we started kissing. I had felt Embrys kisses become more possessive, and I held on tighter to him. I broke the kiss for a second, looking into his eyes.

"You're like a drug…I can't get enough of you," I said with glossy eyes. He smiled a crooked smile, and kissed me again.

He started kissing me down my neck, and I felt like I could unravel at any moment. I let out a tiny moan, and felt his breath on my neck hitch, and then he let out a low husky moan too. I felt how my knickers were getting more and more damp, and normally I'd be getting embarrassingly conscious of this, but right now, all I felt was his body against mine. I wanted him so badly. I felt the pull towards him, which again was something I'd never felt with any other guy in my life.

"Take me to you bed," I whispered, my eyes closed, one hand in his hair, the other around his shoulders, wanting to get him closer even if it wasn't possible. He kissed my lips, demanding all of my attention as if he didn't already have it.

I felt different, he felt different to me. It was like we had been playing sexual chicken for months, and finally got to touch each other. It was as if I'd never been touched before.

I felt his hand at the edge of my t-shirt, unsure weather to proceed or not. I let my own hand slide over his back, raking my nails up and down. He let out a moan and let his hand slide under my t-shirt, and up to my breast. He stroked it gently on the outside of my bra. God it felt good. I felt my nipples react instantly and I let out a moan louder than before.

I slid my hand down his back and felt his bum tighten as I touched it. He let out a growl that sounded almost animalistic. He moved his groin down against mine, and I felt his fully erect length, grinding against me. I could have sworn my wetness had made its way through my trousers.

At this point, for the first time since I got here, I thought about weather this was going too fast. Here I was in his bed, wanting him more than I'd ever wanted anyone before. But maybe this was going too fast. Just as I thought that, the pull felt stronger and my head cleared of thoughts and once again all I could think of were Embry and his body against mine.

Embry suddenly broke our kiss.

"Should I stop? Is it too fast?" Embry asked in a low, lust filled voice.

"I don't know," I said breathlessly, looking into his glossy eyes. I couldn't quite control my voice, you could hear the lust in it, and I tried to get my breathing under control.

"I don't know if…I can control myself…if we don't stop now," He said looking back and forth between my eyes and lips. It sparked another pulse of lust inside me.

"God, you shouldn't have said that…"

"Why not?"

"Because…now I just want you more…" I moaned slightly.

Embry let out a breathless laugh, and looked down towards our feet and then up again into my eyes.

"Maybe…we should slow things down," I said. He smiled and kissed me gently just under my ear, and rested on one side next to me.

After that we talked again for a while, and kisses a couple of times, but made sure not to move too fast. I fell asleep in his arms, blissfully unaware of what I was actually getting myself into.

I had no idea what time it was, but I guessed it was morning around 10-11. I felt a kiss on my shoulder and a smile spread on my face. How could someone be so lovely? I turned around and opened my eyes. I stared into the deep brown eyes I knew so well now.

"Morning…"

He smiled.

"Morning beautiful…are you hungry?"

"A bit…not much…" I just wanted coffee actually. I was never a morning person, but waking up next to Embry, was something I could get used to.

We got up and I gathered my things, intending to go home. We said our goodbyes and agreed to meet up at Kim and Jareds house later.

I went home, showered, ate and then called Kim. I told her that we'd come over later and when everything was arranged, I went upstairs to my bedroom.

I was going through my chest of draws when I felt something hard against my fingers. I took the object out and realized it was my book I had hidden when I moved in. I turned my copy of 'Wild' around in my hands a couple of times, not actually focusing my gaze on the cover. It felt like I had changed so much during the time I had lived here. I focused on the cover and felt a pinch in my stomach.

I put the book away, and decided to go for a walk to clear my head and hopefully get rid of the knot that had formed in my stomach.

The woods were beautiful at this time of the day, and I quickly felt better. As I was walking towards the beach, I heard female voices. I didn't recognize them, but I felt like I had heard them before. As I got closer I started being able to hear what they were saying.

"…was saying to him, right? I mean, how can you be with someone who doesn't know what you are?"

"I know…if it was me, I'd be pissed if Paul hadn't told me before we'd slept together!"

"Well, Sam DID say that they haven't done it yet, but I know what you mean…he has to tell her before that."

I had no idea what they were talking about, but I remembered having met a Sam and a Paul, but I wasn't sure if it was them.

I was hiding behind a tree, eavesdropping. I suddenly realized I had no idea why I was actually doing this? But something had just told me that what they were talking about was private.

Still, I couldn't figure out why I was hiding? I leaned forward to get a glimpse of who the women were.

I recognized them from the bonfire night…and remembered being introduced to both of them, but I couldn't remember their names. Amy maybe? No…but she was definitely Sams girlfriend. The other one wasn't as familiar to me.

"Surely Sam has something to say in this matter as Alfa?" said one of the girls sounding concerned.

"No, not really…it's the one thing he can't meddle in. It's Embrys imprint, so he can handle it however he sees fit… But Kim agrees with me. She thinks Embry should just tell her, you know?"

Wait, WHAT? Embry? Imprint? What's an imprint? What's an Alfa? I wanted to hear more, but my heart was racing, and I was so confused. Maybe imprint was slang for girlfriend here in the rez? But…if that was the case, and they were talking about me, then that would mean that Embry was hiding something from me… "oh my god", I thought, it also meant that he had told Sam that we hadn't slept together. That stuff is private? Had I miss judged Embry entirely? Was he actually the kind of guy who bragged to his friends and told them every little juicy detail?

Okay, calm down! I was making assumptions and I couldn't know any of this for sure.

"Do you remember his imprint? I think she's really nice," said Sams girlfriend.

"Yeah I met her at the bonfire, she's nice. It's really cool that she's traveled so much. We never get to go further than Port Angeles."

"Well, imagine what she's gonna say when she finds out she can never leave ever again…"

"Yeah, he'll never EVER let her leave again. But from what I've heard, she loves moving so much that the only way that's gonna happen, is if he like…ties her up or, I don't know…" she said it in such a way it sounded threatening in my ears.

That was the last thing I heard. I slowly turned and walked away, making sure not to make a sound. To be honest, I had no idea weather I had or not, because my heart was pounding in my chest so hard, it was the only sound I could hear.

I was so confused. It's really cool that she's traveled so much… that HAD to be me! It was too much of a coincidence that Embry and talk of a girl who travels a lot, was in the same conversation.

I could only come to the conclusion that they were talking about me, and that imprint was slang for girlfriend.

I ran home, and slammed my door closed. As I let myself slide down the door to the floor, I kept hearing the conversation over and over again.

…Imagine what she's gonna say when she finds out she can never leave ever again… she loves moving so much that the only way that's gonna happen, is if he like…ties her up… he'll never EVER let her leave again…

That sentence had scared me more than anything else. It sent chills through my body. I was one hundred percent sure that they were talking about me. And for some reason, I could never leave again, Embry was hiding something from me, he had told people about what we were doing and Kim, my best friend, knew about this secret.

Suddenly my mind went really clear, and I had a flashback of the day I had overheard Embry and Kim fighting at her house. They were talking about telling someone something. And Kim wanted him to just tell her. " _I know it's not easy, but you can't take forever on this. Sooner or later you have to talk to her…otherwise…she might leave…"_

I suddenly felt a rush of adrenaline. I had to get out of there. I felt trapped! Which was something I rarely felt, but feared the most! I ran up into my bedroom and flew around packing clothes and toiletries, while all I could think of was that sentence…he'll never EVER let her leave again…

I had my things packed and was rushing down the stairs, when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. Someone was calling me. I looked at my phone. Kim. Shit. I answered it and tried to sound normal.

"Hey Kim, What's up?"

"Hey, were are you? Embry got here half an hour ago?" She didn't sound any different from this morning.

"Oh sorry Kim, uhm…something came up, and I…I…had to deal with it," I couldn't control my voice completely, and all I could think about was how much she was in on what ever people around me seemed to know, but weren't telling me. Did it have something to do with why I apparently couldn't leave?

"Are you okay? You sound a bit…I don't know…flustered?" Kim said sounding concerned.

Shit, I had to get off the phone with her. It felt like I was in a horror film, where all my friends suddenly turned out to be bad guys who were trying to hurt me. I was honestly and irrationally scared of everybody all over sudden.

"Yeah I'm fine, I'll be over in a few minutes…like, 10 minutes or something like that…" I said, trying to sound like I was telling the truth.

"Okaaay…you sure you're fine?" she didn't sound like she believed me.

"Yeah, heh, I'm just stressing, but I'll be there soon, bye."

"Alright…bye…"

I hung up and ran out to my truck, threw my bags up on the load, and hurried inside again. I had my tent and backpack in my hands within a few minutes and threw them up there as well. And then I drove of.

I sat there thinking about the key to the house. I should give it back. I decided I would just mail it to Billy.

I was waiting in a traffic light still not very far from the Rez, and had started to relax a bit more. That was until I saw Jacob and Bella walking past with their hands full of shopping bags from the local supermarket.

Shit… if they saw me and all my bags in my truck, would they tell Embry I was leaving?

I slid down in my seat but it was too late. They had seen me, and all I could do now was seem normal.

I sat up again slightly and smiled at them. They were both smiling until I saw Bella look a bit further to the side, directly at all the bags in my truck. I saw her mouth "Jake!" and her smile had faded.

His smile faded as he also looked at my packed stuff.

BEEEEEPPP.

I jumped! The light had turned green and the car behind me had honked his horn at me, and I quickly shifted into gear and started driving. I caught a glimpse of Jacob getting his phone out.

Fuck! They were in on whatever nightmare this was. I was getting paranoid. What did they want from me? …He'll never EVER let her leave again…Tie her up…

20 minutes driving, I was still anxious. I knew they couldn't reach me now. They had no idea where I had gone, and they wouldn't be able to catch up with me anytime soon.

When I reached Port Angeles I started to relax a bit more.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Hey guys, thanks for the reviews! Please keep them coming! So, I've written this chapter and things are deffo kicking off now. And don't worry! I've already written most of chapter 15 so that will come up soon after tonight, but since i have to get up in an hour and 20 minutes to get ready for uni, i think i better go get a tiny bit of sleep instead of keeping on writing ;) but PLEASE R &R! I'm always excited to hear what you think :) DN xxxxx **

**Chapter Fourteen – unnamed rd. Centralia.**

When I got to Port Angeles I got some food from the marked and posted the key to Billy's address with a short note saying sorry for the short notice, and that I had to go because of some work opportunity coming up. I wasn't sure my excuse was believable but I couldn't focus too long to make up another excuse.

I didn't want to stay in the city, so I drove towards Sequim and then south. I drove for about 5 hours, passing Quilcene, Eldon, Shelton, Olympia and finally Centralia. When I reached Centralia, I went down Little Hanaford Rd. and when the forest thickened I drove down one of the trails onto an unnamed road, just far enough for my car to be hidden from the main road.

It was around 10 pm and I had my tent up in a clearing within the forest by the lake, and a fire going with my trangia camping stove next to it, boiling some pasta. I sat there thinking about all the things that had happened the last few months. It felt like ages. I remembered that I actually had arrangements with Kim, Jared and Embry on Saturday to go to the sand sculpture thing at La Push.

My heart broke a little when thinking about them. I had been so happy that I'd met them, but now, everything was so clouded by all this confusion.

I took out my book "Wild" and flipped through the pages, not even looking at them. It didn't feel like the same itch. The itch that made me leave. I wasn't done with this place. As a matter of fact, I wasn't sure I'd ever be done here. I'd finally had somewhere to call home and people who I cared about. Now things were different though.

I ate my food and sat reading in front of the fire.

I heard a noise coming from the forest surrounding the clearing I had set up camp in. My head snapped up and I tried seeing what it was through the dark. Nothing.

"Okay, clam down…nothings out there, and no one knows you're here," I told myself.

I went into my tent and tried to go to sleep. My mind was racing. They would know I'd left by now. I wondered what they were thinking. A picture of Embry entered my head and my heart ached. What kind of lie did he have me fooled with? Was everything the past months just made up? A part of me wished I hadn't left, but had actually gone to Kim's house for answers, but the sentence that made me panic told me I couldn't…He'll never EVER let her leave again…Tie her up…

I ran…I was running and I was scared. The forest around me changed, and everything became familiar. I was back in the Rez. I turned around to run away again, but was stopped by a body taller than me. I looked up and was met with icy blue kind eyes. Thomas. I calmed when he spoke; "Don't go back! Come find me instead. I'll take care of you Nica. You know where I am. Come to me…Come Nica…" he stroked my cheek with his warm hand, and I closed my eyes leaning into his touch. My love for him that had been forgotten and lost surfaced and tried its best to posses me again. I felt my heart fight against it. I opened my eyes and didn't see the ice blue eyes this time. Brown and golden love filled ones had taken their place. "Come to me…Come Nica…"

I sat up with a start. It felt like I couldn't breathe. I clumsily opened my tent and stumbled out onto the cold forest floor. The crisp morning was evident, and breathing in the cold misty morning air, made me relax again. I tried to figure out what my dream had been about.

It was probably just my mind telling me to find safety somewhere, and Thomas was the only place beside Embry I'd ever felt safe.

A flashback came to me, of Embry laughing and smiling at me. The betrayal I felt grew again, and I got angry. Why? WHY did I always fall for the guys that either had motives or betrayed me?

I started packing my things together, put on a random outfit, my hair up in a loose messy bun and when I was done, I sat on a log with my map. I still hadn't decided where I was going. Usually the location would just come to me after my mind had wondered off, but this time it was like there was something blocking it. Like I had nowhere to go.

I realized I had been staring at the map for about half an hour without actually coming up with anything. I would have to go back towards Centralia, no matter where I was going so I could just figure it out on the way there.

I got up and as I turned around, I got the shock of my life.

Embry stood there shirtless, in dark jeans.

He took a step towards me and as in sync I took a step back.

"Nica… don't be scared, I know this looks crazy, me suddenly being out here!"

His brown eyes were pleading, and I imagined mine must have been filled with fear and questions.

"H…how did…how?" was all I could say.

"I promise, I'll explain everything to you…why did you leave? Who told you?"

"I…I…overheard Sam's girlfriend saying it to someone…" I stuttered thinking about them saying I could never leave.

"I was gonna tell you, I swear! I just…got scared you'd…well…do this…" his eyes were facing down despairingly.

"Then…tell me why?"

"Why?" he looked up at me looking genuinely confused.

"Yes! Tell me WHY you told them about us, and WHY they're saying you won't make me leave ever again!" I partly shouted.

"Wait…what? What exactly did you hear?"

"Don't do this! Don't pretend to be all confused! I heard them saying that you'd told Sam what…what we…have done and… haven't done…and then that thing about never letting me leave ever again? They said you'd tie me up!" I had tears in my eyes as I shouted at him.

He moved closer again and once again I took a step back.

"Nica…I have no idea why they would say that thing about…tying you up or something, that's not true…please just…listen to me" again, he took a step towards me, but this time I didn't move.

I felt so drawn to him, and his words were like sugar in my veins, but my head was fighting back.

"…What do you want from me?" I whispered with teary eyes.

"Nica, you've got it all wrong…I don't want anything from you like that…it's so hard to explain when you don't know…" he ran both his hands through his hair and let out a frustrated sigh.

"Then tell me the truth…they said you're hiding something from me…and…I heard you and Kim that day…arguing…she wanted you to tell me…"

"The best way I can do this, is if you come back to the Rez with me."

"No, no way!" I said taking a step away from him.

"Nica, please… I promise, if you want to leave after that, then you can! I promise…Please!" he pleaded.

I didn't say anything but turned my back to him hugging my upper body with my arms. I had to think this over. I couldn't just go back there with him. I had no guarantee that he would keep his word. Although beside from the fact that he had been keeping something from me, he'd never actually done anything to loose my trust. Oh, and besides telling his friends about our private life.

I felt him standing behind me. His warmth was familiar. He slowly and carefully put his arms around me. I let out a shaky breath, having every possible emotion run through my body. Confused, scared, relieved, loved, safe, unsafe, free, trapped…everything.

He bend his head forward and rested it with his face in the crook of my neck. I felt his breath on my skin and I let out another breath. This time one of surrender.

"I have so many questions…"

Embry didn't move much; he just kissed my neck and moved to hover over my ear.

"I promise I'll answer all the ones I have the answer to."

I sat in the passenger seat of my truck, while Embry was driving. I felt drained. I could tell from the looks that he gave me, that he was worried I'd change my mind at any time now. I didn't. I wanted answers.

Suddenly a thought came to me.

"Embry, what about your car?"

"What car?" he looked at me with knitted brows.

"Well…the car you came in? When you came to find me?"

"Oh...I…Don't worry about that," he said the last bit not looking at me.

I guess that's another question I'll get the answer to when we get back to the Rez.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hey guys! here's the next chapter where everything changes... i completely lost my will to write after putting up the last chapter because i didn't think i was getting any reviews, but then i realized i had unclicked that button that sends them as emails haha... silly me :D so THANK you to the ones that reviewed and put me in the mood for writing! PLEASE CONTINUE R &R.. okay, i've once again already almost written the next chapter already, and i know this one is short, but fear not the next is coming! much love DN**

 **Chapter Fifteen – Questions and Answers.**

Embry took a different route than I had, and we reached La Push in just under 4 hours. Perhaps that was why he managed to find me there?

We parked in front of his house and he got out. I didn't at first, but when he opened my car door I looked up at him, and his worried eyes made me get out. If he was worried about me leaving, it meant that I actually could. It reassured me.

"Are you hungry?" he asked when we got into the house. It was midday and I hadn't eaten yet.

"Yeah…starving."

"I'll make us some food…we can talk while I do that…we don't have long before Billy gets here."

"…Why's Billy coming?"

He didn't answer at first.

"…He'll have some of your answers," he said without looking at me.

While Embry started making some mac and cheese, I contemplated where to start with all my questions.

"…Tell me what you've been keeping from me…"

"…It's not easy Nica…I think…I think we should wait with that one until Billy gets here."

"…Okay…then tell me why those girls said you'd never let me leave."

"Uhm…I'm sure they meant it like I wouldn't WANT you to leave…"

"No, they made it sound like I physically couldn't?" I said frustrated. It felt like he wasn't telling me the truth.

"Okay…uhm…look, things will get so much easier when you know the stories that Billy are gonna tell you!"

"Why can't you just tell me? That's why I'm here?"

Embry didn't meet my eyes, even though I searched for his.

He opened his mouth to say something just as there was a knock on the door.

"Oh, thank god…" he said under his breath, only just loud enough for me to hear.

I got up from my seat and backed away from the door. Billy and Jacob were on the other side of it and Embry invited them in.

"Hi Nica, nice to see you again…" Billy said, his words kind and careful.

"Hi…"

Jake just nodded and smiled at me, but I just stared at him through squinting eyes. He was most likely the reason I was back here, as he was most likely the one who called Embry seeing me leave.

"Right…I guess we should just get straight to the point," Billy said once we were all sat around in the living room.

"I suppose you have a lot of questions, but before you get your answers, I'm gonna tell you a story. About our tribe from this reservation."

He went on to tell me colorful stories of a tribe, cold ones and wolves. I sat there completely engrossed and mouth open, not noticing the fact that Embry's eyes never stopped analyzing me. Trying to read my face.

"Since then, wolves have protected this territory and its people from the cold ones…do you know what the cold ones were?"

"…Vampires…" I said in a low voice, wondering why he was telling me this story about fictional characters.

"This story Nica…is real." It was Embry who'd said that.

I looked at him like he'd told me then moon was made of polyester.

"I'm one of the guardians of this territory…so is Jake, Jared, Sam and Paul…we're wolves…"

I got angry…why would they all gang up on me and tell me this stupid "fairytale" which obviously wasn't real? It couldn't be?

But then, I thought back… they all said they worked in the forest…the thing about being warmer than humans…the strength…the eating mountains of food…those things, were things I hadn't been able to explain.

"…Show me…"

"What?" Embry asked carefully.

"If…if it's true…then show me…"

The three men in front of me looked at each other, looking concerned.

"…Okay…but don't scream or…run away…please," Embry looked at me with the pleading eyes I had seen too much of within the last 12 hours.

I felt my heart starting to race and my eyes grew bigger, as Embry started moving chairs out of the way. He was actually taking it this far? When was he going to turn around and tell me the truth? Cause…this couldn't be it…could it?

Then, right in front of my eyes, he turned into a huge grey wolf.

I didn't say anything…how could I…I'd clearly gone insane, or maybe I was having a nightmare.

Billy was first to speak.

"Nica…? Are you okay?"

"…I…I…It's…He's…"

"Just take your time," He said and put his hand on mine. It made me jump. I felt his hand clearly, so it wasn't a dream. So I'd gone insane.

"I've…I've gone…insane…right?"

"No…you haven't Nica. Take a deep breath, and walk over to him."

I got up from my seat still convinced the huge wolf in front of me wasn't actually there and would vanish the moment I got too close. As I got closer, I recognized its eyes. Brown golden and kind. Embry.

I reached forward expecting the wolf to disappear at any moment now. But when my fingertips touched the fur, I let out a breath I had no idea I was holding. It was real. HOW was this REAL?

"Jake, go find Embry something to wear."

"Sure."

I stood there gob smacked, with my hands buried deep into Embry's fur.

"Nica, come over here again. Its time you got some answers."

I turned around still in shock, faced Billy, and started moving towards my seat again.

As I sat down again I looked up and saw Embry standing in front of us, once again human, tying the string on some cotton jogging trousers.

He sat down next to me. My head was full of questions, but my mouth wouldn't open. I just stared at him.

I felt like I knew him so well, but now everything had changed. I had no idea what was real anymore and who he was.

"You're probably wondering now, what all this has to do with you…Well…you asked me what my secret was…this was it…and I didn't actually tell anyone about us or our…private life, it's just that…when we're in wolf form, we communicate by hearing each others thoughts and…there's no filter on that…so…Sam found out that way," Embry was looking at me for a long time, not saying anything.

"Maybe she needs some rest," Billy suggested.

"No…I…why did they say…that I couldn't leave?" I finally spoke up.

"…That's a longer explanation…maybe you should eat and just let all this settle," Embry said.

I agreed, and while I sat eating the Mac and cheese he had made for us, Embry said goodbye to Billy and Jake.

We ate in silence and when I was done, I felt incredibly drained of energy.

"Can I sleep for a little while?" I asked, it being the first thing I'd said since the others left.

"Sure…come on, you can sleep in my bed."

I slept for hours and hours, only to be woken up by Embry once in a while, and every time, I'd ask if it had all been a dream, and he'd answer no. I'd turn onto my other side and fall a sleep again.

I woke up in the middle of the night. I wasn't sure what time or day it was or how long I had slept for, but I didn't care too much right now. I looked to my left and saw Embry asleep. Even in his sleep he looked worried with knitted brows.

I sat up and started gathering all the things I now knew. Wolves existed, they could hear each other's thoughts, and they were super strong, warm, could heal themselves really fast and protected humans from vampires. Vampires existed; they were cold, bloodthirsty, dangerous and super fast.

The only answers I didn't have were why all this had something to do with me, and why Sam's girlfriend had said I couldn't leave all over sudden, which Embry said I actually could.

He stirred next to me and started to open his eyes.

"Hey…"

"Hey…how are you feeling?"

"…Rested," I said.

"Good…that's good…"

"…I still need to figure some stuff out," as I said it, he took a deep breath, and then sat up against the headboard.

"Okay…can I just do one thing before I answer all your questions?"

"Sure?"

He leaned towards me slowly, his eyes filled with something I didn't quite recognize. His hand went to my cheek and stroked me lightly. It was warm and familiar. When his lips touched mine it felt like my heart exploded. I felt the pull towards him once again and probably wouldn't have stopped if he hadn't broken our kiss.

My eyes were still closed when he spoke again.

"Sorry…I just had to kiss you, just in case it's the last chance I get…"

I looked at him, once again confused, a feeling that I was growing accustomed to. He continued before I could ask him anything; "There's a thing wolves do…it's not something they can control, it's sort of part of their heritage in a way…it's called imprinting…"

"Wait, I've heard that word…"

"Yeah…it's hard to explain, it's happens when a wolf meets their…soul-mate. There's nothing he will want more than to please that person and be with that person. Whether it's as a friend or…more…"

"…What does it feel like?"

"It…it feels like…a pull…a pull that you just cant stop. You loose yourself completely into the other person, but you don't mind…because…they're meant for you, and YOU don't matter if THEY'RE not there…that person becomes your everything…like, no one is perfect but that person is perfect for you." While he talked, his gaze became distant and his smile crooked.

He finally looked into my eyes, and I felt the pull. Like nothing else mattered. Just him and me.

"I'm your imprint…" I whispered, my eyes not leaving his.

"Yes…if you accept the imprint…" His eyes were saying a thousand words that I could tell apart. But most of all I saw hope and fear in them.

"You mean…I have a choice?" I asked.

"Yes…you can choose not to accept the imprint, and then you're free to go wherever you want, but…you should really think about this…for me…please…" he took my hand and entwined our fingers.

I looked down at our hands before answering him.

"I don't like that word…soul-mate…it feels like you don't have a choice…"

He didn't say anything, but I could see the struggle in his eyes.

Once again I looked into his eyes and felt the pull.

"Is it gonna feel like this every time I look at you?"

"No…it'll grow… and you'll feel it even more," Embry said smiling.

"…If I did accept the imprint, what would I have to do then?"

"Nothing… we'll just continue like any other couple, but it'll get harder for us to be apart, and you…can't…leave the Rez without me…"

"Oh…right…" There it was…the reason I couldn't leave…but I wouldn't want to leave, would I?

"Does Billy have an extra key for my house?"

He looked at me confused at the change of subject.

"I should think so, why?"

"I want to go home…I need to be alone for a while."

I could see the disappointment in his eyes, but also that he knew he had to let me go.

We went to Billys' house, got my key and now we were standing by my front door.

"Nica, I know you need some time but…I just need to know if…if it's completely of the table…you and me?"

"I don't know…I need to think…and I need to be alone…"

I couldn't look at him, but when I finally did, I saw the hurt in his brown eyes.

"Okay…I'll be here when you're ready to talk."

It looked like he was going to kiss me for a second; but that he changed his mind, turned and walked away.

Now I was sat alone on my bed. All my bags were standing packed on the living room floor and I had no idea what to do.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: HEY, well, what do you know! Two chapters in one day! i hope you like it!**

 **Just a little warning for this one...there's a reason it's marked M. Now, this is the first time i've written anything like this, so i hope you like it! Oh, and thanks for the super quick reviews, it made me stay up an extra hour to finish this :D PLEASE R &R **

**Good vibes, DN**

 **Chapter Sixteen – Kim, pancakes and talk about forever.**

I woke up fully dressed on top of my covers. It was 3.17 pm. and everything from last night flew into my head and I once again felt as confused as ever.

I heard some noise from downstairs and my heart started beating fast. I slowly made my way down the stairs carefully looking around.

Kim was standing in the kitchen making pancakes.

"What are you doing here?"

"Waw, that's some way to greet a friend," Kim answered smiling.

"…I don't know who's a friend anymore...I…don't even know what's real."

I looked away, but was surprised when I felt Kim embrace me.

"I've always been your friend Nica. If you think about it, there's not actually that much that's changed…at least not the people…"

"You're kidding, right? EVERYBODY has changed!" I shouted and started pacing back and forth before continuing; "The people I thought were HUMAN are not even THAT! And…everybody knew but me? You kept this from me! I mean…am I in danger? Should I now worry about vampires or giant wolves eating me?" I stopped in front of her and ranted on; "I have NO idea what the world actually is and now I have to decide if I want to spend forever with a guy I've known for a few months…I mean…this is not normal! I can't do this!"

Kim didn't say anything, she just lead me to the couch and sat me down. That's when I started crying. And I cried. Kim sat there holding me and rocking me back and forth.

I didn't exactly know why I was crying this much, but I guess I was just overwhelmed by all the information and changes I was facing all over sudden.

Finally Kim spoke.

"Nica…I know I's a lot to take in…I've been there. I didn't know about Jared or any of this when he imprinted on me…but I had been in love with him for over a year at that time and I promise it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I promise you, as long as you are here in the Rez you're safe from Vampires, and wolves are not to be feared. I wanted to tell you about all this as soon as Embry imprinted I swear…but it was not my thing to tell…and I think you know that. I know you don't think that this is doable, but just take some time…and…please…remember that I'm here…that hasn't changed."

"…I don't know what to say anymore…I trust you…I know that you're my friend…"

It was rare, but it had happened. I was finally lost for words.

Kim and I spend the day together, just relaxing and eating. I got the feeling that Kim were there to make sure I ate. I was still a bit shocked about what I had witnessed last night…or…the night before that…I still wasn't sure.

It had been five days now and I still hadn't talked to Embry. Kim came over everyday and talked about everything. She helped me understand the feud between Vampires and the tribe, and how there had been good Vampires in Forks as well. She told me about how she met Jared and how he had told her.

She had freaked out like me, but she actually tried to run. When he had caught up with her and convinced her that there was no danger, he told her about imprinting and she had accepted it right away.

I wish I had known Embry longer. That would have made it easier to accept this imprint.

It was Saturday evening and Kim and I were sat on my sofa with a glass of wine each, just talking.

I heard a knock on the door and got up to check who it was.

Jared stood there looking nervous, but smiling.

"Hi Nica…how are you?"

"Hey Jared…I'm okay, you?" I said standing aside so he could enter.

"Yeah…good, good..."

He made his way in and over to the couch to sit next to Kim.

"Do you want a glass of wine?"

"Sure…"

I saw the look he gave Kim, and then I realized; "Oh wait…because of your body temperature the alcohol will just evaporate, right? And then wine might not be the tastiest drink" I laughed.

He smiled a crooked smile that reminded me of Embry and said: "Yeah, we can't really get drunk that easily, but I do actually like the way wine taste, so it's okay."

I handed him a glass and was about to say something when I saw the way Kim was looking at Jared.

"Jared…what's wrong?" she asked, and put her hand on his arm.

He swallowed and looked down.

"…It's Embry…he's…not doing that well."

"Wait, why not? Is he sick?" I asked, concern filling me up.

"Uhm…not exactly, he's having some trouble dealing with this whole…you guys not talking…" Kim interrupted him; "Jared, don't tell her this…it'll only color her choice and it should be up to her…"

"Tell me what?" I looked back and forth between them, both looking uncomfortable. I continued; "Guys! We're DONE with secrets…tell me what's going on!"

Kim looked at Jared first as if to say: "do you want to or should I?"

"Well…one of the side effects of not talking or being separated from your Imprint is…painful to a wolf."

"What do you mean painful? Like, physical pain?" I asked worried.

"Yes…and its get worse by the day…but we didn't want to tell you because, you should be able to make a decision for yourself"

"But I don't understand…we've gone more than five days before not talking or seeing each other?"

Jared was the one to answer this time: "Well, not exactly…Embry has been phasing and then staying close to you from your backyard for some time…it has become more and more necessary, the more you started getting feelings for him."

I didn't know what to say. He had been in pain because of me?

"But why hasn't he been doing that during these five days then?"

Kim took my hand and said: "You told him you wanted to be alone…a wolf is compelled to do as the imprint wants…so he couldn't."

I made a decision. I had to see him.

I left Kim and Jared at my place saying I would be back and that they could just stay as long as they wanted and showed them where my films were.

Now I was on my way to Embry's house in the pouring rain.

I ran up his driveway and before I got to the door, it opened.

I ran straight into Embry's arms and heard him breath out a shaky breath, and he felt heavier than usually when he leaned into me.

Slowly his breathing became more controlled and I pulled away slightly but not letting go of him.

"I didn't know I was causing you actual pain…I'm sorry."

"No, don't be…how would you know," he said and smiled at me. He pushed a loose strand of hair out of my face and I felt like kissing him right then and there.

I felt the familiar pull for the first time after really learning what it was, and I couldn't resist it.

I kissed him and pushed him inside the house.

His lips were soft against mine, and I felt all of my doubts vanish.

He stopped for a second and rested his forehead on mine.

"I'm happy you came…and I know it doesn't mean you've made up you mind yet…but I really needed you…" his eyes were filled with feelings I couldn't read but I saw one that made me breathe out a shaky breath. Lust.

Without saying anything, I lifted my hand up to his neck and pulled him to my mouth again. I just couldn't stop. Within seconds, the kisses became more demanding than they had ever been.

I reached down and pulled my t-shirt over my head, only breaking our contact for a split second. Embry went down my neck, and ended up by my ear.

My eyes were closed and all I could think was how much I wanted him. It was like touching him wasn't enough, and that even though almost my entire body, were touching his, I couldn't get him close enough.

Before I knew it I was sitting on his bed with him standing in front of me. I pulled his t-shirt off and kissed him pulling him down with me by his neck.

I climbed further up the bed, and Embry followed me.

A hand went to my breast, cupping it, stroking it.

He reached behind me, unhooked my bra, and removed it. I let my hands undo his jogging trousers, and pulled them down.

He kissed my neck, I moaned, raking my nails down his back, pulling him closer. Everything happened in a blur, yet every touch was as clear as crystal, and felt like electric sparks. The pull was stronger than ever and my head was clouded with lust, but no doubts about whether it was the right thing I was doing.

He undid my trousers and I helped him get rid of them. I felt his hardened member against my groin, and could have sworn it was going to be my undoing. The way he looked at me, like he was going to devour me, made me more wet even though I thought it was impossible.

He leaned over to one side, and a hand slid down my stomach and traced the edge of my underwear. It made me shudder, and I whimpered slightly, closing my eyes. His fingers went beneath my underwear and slid between my folds. I let out a loud moan, not even the slightest self-conscious. I felt his eyes on me, but didn't open mine, too absorbed in my own pleasure.

"Oh God…" I whispered out as I felt how I approached a climax. His hand moved slightly faster. As I peaked, my hand flew to his shoulder; I dug my nails into it without even thinking about it and practically screamed out in pleasure as I came.

It wasn't enough. I wanted more. I had to have more.

I told him the other night that he was like a drug I couldn't get enough of. If I thought I knew how that felt that night, I was mistaken. Tonight I felt like an addict and Embry was my drug.

I pushed him onto his back and climbed on top of him, but he had other plans and pushed me over as I had done to him. It felt a bit rough and only sparked another pull inside me.

He removed my panties, and pushed a finger inside me. Then another. I moaned loudly and opened my eyes. Embry was looking at me with hooded eyes and parted lips. I couldn't take it anymore.

I grabbed his neck and pulled him towards me, kissing him.

"Are…you sure…you…want to…do this?" Embry said between our kisses.

"Yes! Now!" I breathed out, not being able to control the lust in my voice. I saw what it did to him, when he heard it. His eyes seemed to change a bit. They were still the deep caring brown ones I knew, but there was something animalistic and craving in them.

He pushed his boxers down and revealed his hard member. He positioned himself at my entrance and I dug my nails into his back trying to get him to move.

As he entered me, things changed. Instead of being rough and demanding like before, he took it slow and I felt every bit of movement. It was something I'd never experienced before.

As he moved inside me he looked deeply into my eyes. Kissed me. On my lips, my neck, my shoulder and jaw.

I "undug" my nails from him back and pulled him gently with soft hands towards me. Our breaths followed the rhythm, and the pleasure was building slowly but surely in my abdomen.

I put my hands on each of the sides of his face kissed him and looked into his eyes, which resulted in him moaning my name. I could unravel at any moment now.

He sped up a bit and I felt him getting closer and closer. He dug his face into the crook of my neck as he came, and the pulsing of his length pushed me over the edge.

For a while we stayed like that. Him, halfway on top of me, with his face in the crook of my neck, and me tracing random patterns on his back.

"Embry?"

"Mmhh?"

"…I can't do 'forever'…not yet…"

Embry got up on his side on one elbow, and looked concerned into my eyes.

"But I can do 'for-now'…" I said with a small smile.

"…Okay…that's closer to forever than never is."

I wasn't sure how long I would be able to keep my 'for-now' state, when I felt the pull towards him. It had only become stronger from that night, and while I was lying there, I couldn't imagine ever leaving his bed. And truth be told…I really didn't want to.

He smiled at me and kissed me again. Soon I found myself craving his touch and before I knew it I was panting with pleasure again.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: HI GUYS! I'm so sorry it's been so crazy long, but I've had to take care of a lot of personal stuff and focus on myself. Now I'm back and better than ever :) ! therefore I'm picking up this story again! I hope you like this chapter and that you will take the time to review.**

 **Good Vibes and R &R **

**xxxx**

 **DN**

 **Chapter Seventeen – Tom**

I woke up feeling spend, and safe. Warm soft arms were holding me, and my face rested on a rising and falling chest. Without opening my eyes, I realized where I was and was reminded of the night. A smile started forming on my lips, and just then I heard a breathless laugh.

"Morning beautiful…did you sleep well?"

I continued to smile and opened my eyes to look into his.

"Yeah…but I'm quite exhausted," I said laughing.

His deep beautiful brown eyes seemed to go on forever, and I saw…that…I had seen a couple of times now, but not been able to figure out what was.

"Your eyes seem different to me…"

"Different how?" he asked looking like he had no idea what I meant.

"Nothing…never mind," I said smiling and started turning my back to him. I felt him spoon me and stroke my arm in slow movements.

"What do you want to do today?"

I thought for a second.

"Can't we just stay here? And just do nothing together?"

I couldn't see it, but I could hear it from the way his chuckle sounded, that he was smiling.

"Sure…whatever you want."

Our day was spent in bed naked. The only times we got out of bed was to go to the toilet, or to get some food, that we then ate in bed. The world could wait.

But as any other person, I had to face the world sooner or later. So in late afternoon I kissed Embry goodbye and walked back to my house. My mind was suddenly drawn to the fact that I had just left Kim and Jared at my place the other night, saying I would be back. I felt a jab of embarrassment and changed directions towards their house.

I arrived at their house shortly after and Kim was the one to answer the door.

"Hey, how did it go?" Kim asked even before I entered the house.

"It went…well, I guess," I answered with a knowing smile. Kim noticed and smiled back at me.

"Oh, I know what that means…" she laughed and gestured for me to sit down in the kitchen.

"Don't give me that look," I chuckled and then continued: "You of all people should know how hard it is so resist the pull!"

Kim nodded and smiled, but then stopped moving all together as if she'd just realized something.

"It's so strange being able to talk about imprinting and its struggles with you."

I kind of knew what she meant. I imagined that she'd find the change as weird as I found the fact that it was an actual thing. Imprinting.

Kim and I talked and had dinner together before I decided to go home, but not before bumping into Jared who came home from patrolling the woods. A blush rose in my cheeks, as I remembered what Embry had said about the 'no filter when I came to though-communication' amongst wolves. He smiled a crooked smile at me and I let my gaze drop to my feet as I shuffled past him saying my goodbyes.

It was just past 2 in the morning when I found myself not being able to sleep. I was sitting on my balcony, with a duvet wrapped around my body sheltering me from the cold. I was once again thinking about all the things I now knew of, and wondered how anyone ever got used to such knowledge.

I thought about the whole soul mate slash imprint concept. I didn't like that fact that some unnatural power had chosen me for Embry and it made me feel inadequate and like Embry didn't actually want me if it wasn't for the fact that this imprinting had found place. I wondered when it actually happened and made a mental note to ask him about it the next time I saw him.

My heart felt like it was clenching a little when I thought about him, and I remembered what Jared had told me about Embry phasing and hiding outside my house just to be close to me. I wondered if he was there now, hiding somewhere.

I felt a bit stuck. I still hadn't decided if I was going to accept the imprint and I felt like I was leading Embry on by not making a decision. But how do you choose something like that, that's going to affect the rest of your life. Plus I had only known Embry for a few months, so it just felt reckless to agree to such a commitment. But then again…soul mate. That would have to count for something right?

I opened my eyes and looked into caring blue ones.

"Sweetie, you have to get up, you have a plane to catch."

"Where am I going, Tom?" I heard myself ask.

Tom smiled at me. He held out his hand and said: "Does it really matter?"

I woke up on the balcony still wrapped up in my duvet. I must have fallen asleep there. I remembered my dream. Tom kept entering my dreams and I was starting to wonder if it meant something.

I was sitting on my sofa when Kim knocked on my door.

"Hey Nica, what are you up to?"

"Oh, nothing much…I was just thinking."

"What about?"

"Just…dreams…you know?"

Kim sat down where I'd been sitting while I got some tea and snacks from the kitchen.

"Yeah dreams can be really important. Sometimes they really tell a lot about what to do and stuff."

When I didn't say anything, she continued with a curious look.

"What was the dream about?"

I wasn't sure whether to tell her or not, but decided not to.

"Nothing specific, I was just thinking in general."

"Well…I always think you should listen to your dreams. They tell you what's going on inside your head you know…"

Not knowing what brought it on, I found myself late. I was supposed to be meeting Embry at his place in 5 minutes, but I was still sitting on my sofa with my phone in hand. Tom's number was on the screen of my phone, and my finger hovering over the call button.

I decided to call.

After a few beep's Tom picked up.

"Hello?"

"…Hey Tom…It's Nica…"

The other end of the line was silent for a few seconds.

"…I didn't think I'd ever hear from you. How are you?"

I fiddled with the hem of my shirt, suddenly unsure of why I had even called. I had been so angry the last time, and never gave him a chance to talk. Now all I wanted was to hear his voice. What was going on with me?

"I'm good…and you?"

"Yeah… I'm good too…"

Silence fell over us again.

"…I don't know why I called…" I said truthfully.

"…Does it really matter? I'm just glad you did."

A strange sense of déjà vu came over me.

"I think…I think I just wanted to talk to you…but I'm not sure."

He chuckled.

"That's okay…you know, we used to be friends before I fucked things up…maybe that's the person you wanted to talk to?"

"Yeah…maybe."

I heard him sigh a little.

"How are things with your…the someone you're seeing?"

"…Do you really want to hear about that?"

"I don't know…maybe…"

Now it was my turn to chuckle.

"There's a lot of 'maybe' in this conversation…"

Tom responded by laughing, and I joined as soon as he started. It felt nice to laugh with him again.

"I miss you."

There it was. The three words I was scared to hear let alone let myself say. He continued straight after realizing I had gone silent.

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have said that…Nica? Are you still there?"

I cleared my throat and responded with a quiet 'yeah'.

"I shouldn't have said that."

"…No maybe not."

"Let's just talk about random stuff like we used to…right?"

"Okay…"

We went on to talk about random things and I found myself laughing more often than not. While reminiscing with Tom I was walking around my living room aimlessly. I suddenly came to a stop when I, in a glance out the window, noticed Embry standing in the gravel in front of my house. Our eyes met, and while I felt the normal pull towards him, there was something else. Guilt.

I realized that I had completely forgotten about our meeting and that he could probably hear that I was talking to Tom. He broke our eye contact the same moment I was pulled out of my daze by Tom's voice.

"Nica? Are you still there?"

I quickly recovered, as I saw Embry turning to leave, looking heart broken.

"Oh, uhm, Tom I have to go! I'll…I guess I'll talk to you another time."

"Oh, sure…thank you though…for calling."

I didn't even reply before hanging up and running out the door.

"EMBRY WAIT!" I shouted and even though I knew he could hear me, he didn't stop. I caught up with him, and placed myself in front of him.

"I'm sorry Embry…I forgot…"

His eyes still wouldn't meet mine, and his expression was both hurt and angry.

"What did he want?"

"Well…nothing really…uhm…it was me who…called **him** …"

Embry tore his arm out of my grasp and started walking away from me again.

"Stop! Don't walk away from me!" I was angry now. This shouldn't be a big deal! I was supposed to be allowed to talk to whom ever I wanted! Embry turned around to face me with such force that I had to stop to not bump straight into him.

"Why did you call him then?" he spat at me demanding answers.

"You have no right to be this jealous!" I spat back.

"I'm not jealous!"

"The hell you are! Why can't I talk to him if it's not because you're jealous?"

"YOU DON'T GET IT DO YOU?" Embry raised his voice for the first time ever with me and I practically shrunk under the tone of his voice.

"HE'S NOT JUST ANY BLOODY GUY! HE'S THE **ONLY** GUY YOU'VE EVER LOVED!" his eyes looked dangerously dark and brown.

"THAT'S NOT TRUE EMBRY!" I grabbed his t-shirt as if to stop him from walking away from me again before continuing: "I LOVE **YOU** , SO HE'S NOT THE ONLY GUY, IS HE?!"

We stood starring at each other, the only sound being our panting we had build up from shouting at each other. We both realized what I had just said at the same time and I felt my expression soften, just like Embry's did.

"You love me?" He asked with his jaw still clenched.

"I…Yeah…I do." And as I said it, I realized how true it was and so I said it again; "I love you..."

After starring at each other for a moment, Embry put his hands on my shoulders and his forehead against mine before sighing.

"I sorry…you were right…I was jealous…"

I didn't say anything. I just enjoyed the little contact we had and focused on the knot in my stomach that had formed after I had said those little words…twice.

"I got jealous because…I love you too…and I know how you felt about him." The knot I had been so focused on evaporated as he said he loved me and I let got of a breath I didn't even know I was holding back.

"I'm not even sure why I called him…but I think…I think I got scared…and back then, things were just easier, you know? I didn't know anything about imprinting, wolves and god damned vampires…it…it was just about a guy and a girl and that was the most complicated part…this feels like such a mess…"

Embry let out a sigh for what felt like the thousandth time.

"I know this is so much to take in…but maybe just think of it as what you just said…I'm just a guy and you're just a girl…just…forget about all the other stuff for a moment…all that can wait. Remember what you said to me once…'just you and me'"

"I wish it was that simple…but how do I proses all of this new knowledge and at the same time decide to spend the rest of my life with one person? I mean, that's not normal for people our age?"

"I know…I know that. Maybe you don't have to choose just yet. Why don't we just take it a day at a time, and see how you feel then?"

"But Embry, I feel like I'm leading you on by not making a decision…I thought this would be so easy from what Kim had told me."

"Kim and Jared was different…every imprinting is…Kim already loved Jared when he imprinted…you and I didn't even know each other." He took my hand and put his other hand on my cheek.

"We can do this our own way…you're a free spirit, and if the legends and tales from our tribes have taught me anything, then it would be that you can't trap a spirit like yours. You can just…hold on and hope it chooses to settle down at some point."

I bit my lip and thought about what he said.

"Okay…let's just take this one day at a time and do it our way…I like that…"

Later that evening we were lying in bed, Embry on his back and me in the nook of his chest with his arm around me.

"Embry?"

"Mmh?"

"I never actually asked you…how did the imprinting happen?"

I felt him stirring and looked up to see him searching for my eyes.

"Why do you ask?" his smile was kind.

"I was just wondering the other day and realized that I didn't actually know…"

"Well…do you remember the bonfire night?"

"Yeah?"

When he just smiled I realized.

"Seriously? That day? But…that's so long ago!"

"Yeah well…imprinting happens the first time a wolf makes eye contact with his imprint, and that night I saw you for the first time and it just happened."

"I can't believe you've known for that long and I didn't."

Embry stroked my arm and kissed me softly before saying just above a whisper: "Yeah well…you needed some time…just like you do now… and I'll wait if I have to."


	18. Chapter 18

_**A/N: Hi guys! I'm sorry it's been so long, but therefore I've made a chapter that's probably the longest yet! Things are looking up in some ways :D and remember!**_ _ **READ AND REVIEW**_ _ **:P that's really what keeps me going so R &R peeps - DN **_

**Chapter Eighteen – Bonfire and a toothbrush**

Days went past and I couldn't believe how great things were. I went to my classes when I had any and Embry went patrolling the woods whenever he had to. Lately that was more than before, but I never questioned it.

Every day I was looking forward to seeing Embry and every day it felt like I hadn't been able to breath fully before my eyes found his, and his arms engulfed me.

When Saturday came, a bonfire had been arranged and before I knew it, we were sitting around the fire. It felt so different from last time. For one, I was now with Embry, and secondly I now knew that everybody around me was a wolf, an imprint or someone who at least knew of them. The legends felt different now too. Knowing they had truth in them made the whole thing so surreal. I knew Embry could tell that I was pondering and I wondered if he could actually hear how hard my brain was working. He held me a little tighter and my head seemed to relax a little.

"I have an announcement," Jacob stood up with his plastic cup in his hand and Bella soon followed.

"Well, WE have an announcement."

They looked at each other and smiled that type of smile they only reserved for each other.

"There wont be alcohol in this cup anytime soon…" Bella said with a grin and was soon overpowered by exclamations of happiness and surprise.

"Jake! I knew you had it in you!" Sam teased and clapped Jacobs back in a fatherly manner. The girls of the tribe, myself included, surrounded Bella congratulating her and asking questions.

Kim seemed to be the most excited out of all of us and almost cried.

"When did you find out?" She asked, holding back her tears of joy.

"A few weeks ago, but we didn't want to say anything before knowing if it was for sure or not."

I had never seen Bella shine as much as she did now, and her happiness was contagious.

My eyes searched for Embry and when they found him, my stomach flipped. The way he was with his 'brothers' was endearing. Watching him tease Jake and congratulate him made me smile.

We were walking home hand in hand with Kim and Jared next to us.

"I can't believe Jake and Bells are gonna have a kid…" Jared said with a dreamy smile on his face.

"I know…it feels like yesterday we were teasing them in the garage when they were building those bikes, remember?" Embry answered.

"Yeah…crazy, huh?"

I saw the way Kim was fonding over Jared and once again I was smiling. We walked the rest of the way hand in hand, Kim and I silent, letting the boys talk, and just enjoyed how things seemed to have fallen into place.

We entered Embry's house feeling tired but I was still smiling.

"It's been a while since I've seen you NOT smiling," Embry said laughing.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. It's just nice, is all I'm saying."

I turned to face him while we stood in the kitchen and put my arms around his waist.

"Well, I have reason to smile these days."

We stood like that a while once again just content in each other's company, me resting my head on his chest with my eyes closed.

"I want you to consider something…" Embry said after a little while.

"Mmh?" I said with my my eyes still closed.

"I…I want you to consider moving in with me…"

I opened my eyes and I felt my body stiffen while silence fell over us again. This time not as comfortable as it usually was.

"Just…consider it. You don't have to give me an answer yet…I just want you to know the option is there and…I'd like you to."

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Okay…good to know…" was all I could say but my mind was racing.

That night I didn't sleep too well, and I kept tossing and turning. I knew Embry could feel it, but I also knew that he was too stubborn to take back his words. The words that had my brain working overtime, and I knew that he shouldn't take them back. We didn't speak of it the next day.

A few days later I was sitting in the car with Kim on our way back from our classes.

"So…" Kim said after our conversation had died down a bit. "Embry asked you to move in with him…" It wasn't a question, just an open statement left there for me to react to.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you know…wolf-connection and all…" I said.

"Well, I was actually waiting for you to bring it up and like, totally freak out about it…but since you haven't and you don't seem totally freaked out, I thought you might be considering it?" Kim tried, probably hoping for me to open up about it. And I did.

"I don't know…I'm not freaking out about it. I just don't know what to do about it." Kim didn't say anything, just shot me a side-glance and waited for me to continue.

"It makes sense to do it…I'm there all the time...I don't want to be away from him more than a few hours at a time…"

"…But…?"

"But…before I moved to the Rez I hadn't actually had a home since I was 17…and…I haven't had a permanent place to live in for…I don't even know…I just…don't do permanent…and this is pretty permanent? You know?"

Kim was silently thinking for a while.

"Do you want to?" she finally asked.

"I don't know…I think so."

When we arrived at Kim's house the subject had thankfully changed and Kim told me about a girl from her class that had dropped out, when we made our way to the door and heard raised voices.

"They're getting to close!" One voice said rather angrily, only to almost be interrupted by another angry voice that I identified as my boyfriends: "That's what I've been saying for the last fucking hour! We need to do something actively about this!"

It was just about as unusual to hear Embry swear, as it was to see a winter without snow here at the Rez. Kim and I looked at each other and burst through the door.

"What's going on?" Kim demanded to know as soon as we were inside.

Embry, Jacob, Jared, Sam and Paul were all there, Jacob being the only one sitting down. They all looked pissed and frustrated, like they had been discussing for hours.

"What's going on?" Kim asked again, but much more calmly this time.

All eyes went to Jacob who didn't look up from his hands. I locked eyes with Embry and hard brown eyes turned softer but still not quite.

"No more secrets," he said in a low much more calm voice. Jacob looked up at this.

"He's right…"

I walked over to Embry and let his arms engulf me as usual, my back to his front and even without wolf-powers I could feel tension coming off him in waves.

"The Cullen's are coming back." And that was all Jake said. Everybody else was quiet and Kim looked like she didn't know how to feel. Angry? Worried? Confused? I couldn't tell. I looked up at Embry behind me.

"Who are the Cullen's?" I asked in a quiet voice intending just for him to hear me, but with more than half of the room occupied by wolves, of course the others heard.

"Do you remember the stories of the cold ones? Vampires?" Jake asked me, even before Embry opened his mouth.

"Yeah?"

"The Cullen's are a sort of vampire family that used to live here, not long ago. And we don't know-"

"Wait what? Vampires are coming here?" I interrupted.

Jake gave me a comforting smile.

"Yes, but don't worry you're safe here and these vampires are different. But we don't know how long they're staying and why they're coming back. We just know they're moving closer and that the last time they left, they left things kind of…in a mess."

I had so many questions, but I didn't want to ask anybody but Embry. I felt stupid and in the dark, being the newcomer and it seemed that there was too much history I had missed to be able to actually understand what was going on.

"Surely this is a Bella thing…" Kim said in a kind and careful voice.

Jacob looked like he could kill but his anger wasn't aimed at Kim.

"That's what I'm afraid of."

The room went silent until Jake spoke up again.

"All we can do is prepare, and wait…nothing more."

I decided to go home with Embry instead of hanging around with Kim. I had so many questions, and I also just wanted to be somewhere I felt safe. We hadn't said a word to each other on the way to his house, and even after walking into the house no words were spoken. I could tell he was angry. I just didn't know why. I trailed him with my eyes and saw him walk into the kitchen. After hearing the tap turning on and off again I slowly made my way in there.

He was standing with is back turned to me, leaning over the sink, wet hands grasping the sides so hard that his knuckles were white.

I slowly walked up behind him and let my hands slide caressingly from his back and all the way to his front so I was hugging him from behind. I didn't say anything I just let the side of my face rest against his back and listened to his erratic breathing. We stood like that for a while, until I felt his heart rate slow down and his hands lay over mine.

"Talk to me…" I said carefully.

He let out another deep breath before speaking up, sounding tired.

"I just…I can't have those leeches hurt my family again…Bella was in pieces the last time and…Jake was hurting so much just by watching her trying to pick it all up."

I still didn't quite understand the circumstances but I understood that my boyfriend was worried about his family.

"What happened?"

He told me how Bella had dated one of the Cullen's and he had left her. I kind of knew that part from a long time ago, but I had never known that that boy was a vampire. He broke her heart and her mental state was unrecognizable for months. She had had nightmares that no one could relieve her of and Jacob had been loosing his mind, trying to help her but not getting too close. He didn't want to fall even more in love with her when he thought she'd never love him back. But as she got better she fell for him. Then he phased and disappeared for a week, which made her mad and when they then saw each other again, he imprinted on her.

"Now we're all scared that Edward Cullen is coming back because his sister has seen Bella and Jake's baby in one of her visions."

I thought for a minute.

"Why would that be bad?"

"Because we don't know if they'll have any objections to it because she used to be his mate. And if they do then…we'll just have to fight them. Which would be bad because that would break our pact with them which would mean that there would be nothing holding them from hurting innocent people."

He let out another long sigh and ran his hand through his black short hair, still keeping one on one of mine though.

"What pact?" I asked.

"There's a pact between our tribe and the Cullen's that states that if they hurt a human or turn one into a vampire, then the truce is over and we'll have a full on war against each other."

It felt like all my questions had been answered but one.

"Embry…should I be scared?" I asked in a timid voice.

He turned around in my arms and looked into my eyes. His hands went to cup my face and his thumbs stroked my cheeks. "No…not yet at least," he said gently with a small smile. He kissed me ever so softly, and I felt all the love and protection in it that words wouldn't explain. While he rested his forehead against mine, I whispered, "I love you" and saw his smile widen. "I love you too."

A couple of day's later things had simmered down. Embry was watching TV in the living room while I was preparing a little dessert for after dinner when a thought occurred to me.

"Embry?" I asked, having poked my head into the living room.

"Mmh?"

"I'm just gonna head to the store for a minute, okay?"

He turned his attention away from the TV and directed it towards me instead.

"Okay, do you want me to go with you?"

He was already making a movement to get up.

"No don't worry. I won't be long"

I grabbed my bag and gave him a quick kiss before jumping into my truck.

I sang along to the music while driving and arrived shortly after at the supermarket about 10 minutes outside the Rez. I picked up a few items from my mental list and made my way towards the sweets section. I couldn't figure out what I felt like having. Chocolate or perhaps something else?

"Excuse me miss?" a voice as soft as silk said behind me, making me turn around in wonder.

A man with enticing golden eyes and blond sleeked back hair stood before me and had indeed addressed me. He looked to be about in his early forties and dressed nicely.

"Uhm, yes?"

His smile was inviting and kind.

"I didn't mean to interrupt you, I was just wondering if you were new in the area?"

My skepticism must have shown of on my face, cause he quickly continued and ensured me that he was a regular in the area but hadn't seen me; "And since it's a small town I just wondered if you were new."

"Oh I see," I said smiling, "Yes, well, relatively new to the area. I moved here almost 6 months ago now, so I guess that's still rather new." He smiled at me and a woman came over to stand by his side. Her eyes were just as beautiful as his and before he put his arm around her side in a husbandly manner, I wondered if they were related because of them.

"Welcome to the area then," she said in a soft and inviting tone. Still a bit confused I asked how long they'd lived here, to which they answered more years than they could count.

"Have you settled in nicely then? Housing can be tricky since people rarely leave once they settle here?" The man asked me.

"Yes, I found a place in the local newspaper actually," I answered. I felt like their interest in me, a stranger, was kind and neighborly, so I just smiled politely and put the chocolate in my hand into my basket. We made our way towards the register side by side and talked about the area.

"I really like the beach so it's perfect that La push is so near by," the woman said to me.

"Yeah, I live about 10 minutes from it so I get to enjoy it quite a lot," I said conversationally. We reached the register and I paid for my few items.

"Well, it was nice meeting you, I better get going though."

They smiled at me with perfect white teeth, almost taken out of a commercial.

"No, it was our pleasure, and once again, welcome to the area."

On the drive home it started pouring down, and of course, stupid as I was, I had put my stuff in the back, so when I parked in Embry's driveway I had to run out and grab it as fast at I could but even though I tried to be fast, the rain still soaked me to the bone. I was relieved when I closed the front door with a bang.

"Em, I'm back!" I shouted out. At first nothing happened as I was taking off my jacket, but as I stepped out of my drenched shoes Embry's quick footsteps were heard rushing down the stairs. He looked wildly around and spotted me with wide eyes that were filled with fear and he was breathing in quick pants.

I looked at him with a confused expression.

"What is it?" I asked, but barely got the words out before he was rushing past me and out the door, only to stop on the porch and turn around to face me again.

"It's you! Are you hurt?" he looked so concerned and angry, while inspecting me.

"Yes it's me, didn't you just see me when you came down the stairs? What's gotten into you?" I said but was starting to get scared.

"No Nica, it's your scent! You've been near a vampire!" Embry rushed out.

"WHAT? No! I went to the supermarket? I didn't meet any-"

"Yes! Their scent is all over you!" Embry interrupted. He physically inspected me lifting my arms and running his hands over my neck.

"I…I don't think…I just talked to this couple at the store but-"

"What did they look like?" He interrupted. I felt scared. Had I just been in danger without knowing?

The front door was still open and in my peripheral vision I saw Jared and Jacob come running towards the door, probably having sensed something was wrong.

"I…they looked nice? They were just being nice?" I tried, recoiling a bit away from his angry and scared eyes that were locked with mine, and felt his tight grip on my shoulders hurt.

"Em…you're scaring her…" Jacob said softly.

It seemed to work because Embry blinked a couple of times and walked away while running his hands though his hair in desperation and paced back and forth in the living room.

Jacob was now in front of me with much calmer eyes and soft hands on my shoulders.

"What did they look like?" he tried in just as soft a voice as before.

"The…the man was blond and…she had b-brown hair? But they both had these eyes…like-like liquid gold or…something?" I said all of it as a question, because my confusion was laced through my voice no matter what I said.

"Were they alone?" Jared interjected.

"I don't know, I only…I only talked to them?"

Jacob let go of me and turned his attention towards Embry.

"Hey, hey…calm down, they didn't do anything."

I felt like I had done something terrible and started to apologize as I didn't know what else to do. Embry looked up from his pacing with hurt in his eyes and made his way over to me. I flinched a little when he tried to touch me, which just made the hurt in his eyes take fully over. I looked into them with my own, that I didn't know when had started crying, and recognized the kind loving deep-brown ones I knew so well. And so I let myself fall into his embrace.

"No Nica, I'm sorry…I'm so, so sorry! I scared you. It's okay! You're safe now."

We stood like that and I held onto him like my life depended on it, and it certainly felt like that in that moment.

Jacob and Jared stayed for a while after that and we talked about how to recognize them and what to do if they were near. It turned out that they had used the rain to hide their scent so much that they could get that close to the Rez, without the wolves being able to pick it up. We retraced the conversation I had had with them as well as I could remember and came to the conclusion that they had tried to figure out if I lived in the Rez to which they succeeded.

We kind of skipped making dinner, and just ordered in, and so my dessert from earlier was long forgotten.

Lying in bed together we didn't say much. At least not at first. The need to be close to each other was evident and gentle strokes turned into caresses that turned into need. I felt his hands comfort me while his body consumed mine and I couldn't tell which part of my skin he hadn't kissed. Words were whispered in my ear that just about drove me mad, and he seemed powerful above me, taking control and showing me that he could protect me. "I've got you" rung through my mind as I closed in on peaking, and his name repeatedly spilled through my lips as I did.

The morning after, the first thought in my mind wasn't of the fright the day before, but of the man next to me. And so the day started of with a smile.

But just like we all have to face reality sometime, I was reminded of the day before when I saw my shoulders in my peripheral vision. They were bruised where Embry had held on while questioning me. I grabbed a t-shirt from the floor and hastily put it on to hide them from his view. I knew he would feel awful if he saw them.

I walked downstairs and saw my shopping bag on the floor, forgotten in the chaos and reached into it. When I found what I was looking for I went upstairs to the bedroom again.

"Em?"

"Mhmm…" he only stirred a little in the bed.

"Embry?" I tried again, kneeling on the floor next to him. This time he opened his eyes found mine and smiled.

"Morning," he said, his voice raspy and deep.

"I forgot to show you what I went out to get yesterday at the supermarket."

He yawned and then looked a bit confused.

"What did you get then?"

"This," I said and held up a toothbrush; "If we're doing this, then it's all about small steps…it's a toothbrush, then a drawer and then maybe a shelve or something…and then…when there's about 50 percent of my things in your house…then we move in the rest…"

He looked amused, but happy.

"20 percent…" was all he said. I rolled my eyes fondly as I stood up.

"This isn't a negotiation!" I tried.

"20 percent Nica," he said stubbornly.

"40 percent! Take it or leave it," I said just as stubbornly. He smiled at me, shook his head, pulled me down on top of him by the hand. He then kissed me softly yet demanding so my body went soft and started longing.

"30 percent, final offer..." I whispered not even half as strongly as before.

"I'll take it," he whispered back, and rolled us over so he was on top.

 _ **A/N : please remenber to Review :) it means so much to me when you do and it helps me see if we're heading the right way :) REVIEW**_

Love DN


	19. Chapter 19

**/AN: Hey guys, i hope you like this - it my longest chapter yet, and please please please R &R! I need to know what you guys think :) **

**all rights go to the original author of twilight.**

 **Chapter Nineteen – Look at me.**

Patrolling had become almost all Embry did. I barely saw him. But I could always count on the fact that when I was lying in bed in the middle of the night, I'd wake for a split second to hear my bedroom door click, my mattress dip on the right side and then feel arms carefully sliding around my waist to hold me, and in the morning I'd wake up on a chest going up and down.

But generally life was becoming harder. I was still scared to bits whenever I had to leave the Rez, but after the incident at the supermarket, someone from the pack always came with us when Kim and I went to classes. It was moments like that I wondered what my life had become. I was now girlfriend of a shape shifter, in danger of being attacked by vampires and might never travel to see the world again. All my focus was on what I was loosing or giving up, which obviously gave way to some heavy arguments between Embry and I. It seemed that arguing had become our way of communicating, and the others felt it too. Kim had become even more focused on wanting to talk whenever we were alone, not being followed around by a 'bodyguard', and that did help sometimes. But everybody in the Rez was visibly more on edge, arguing more and so were we.

That morning wasn't any different.

"Why would I spend all my time at your house when you're never here anyway?" I said while packing my bag for classes.

"I know I've been gone quite a lot, but I'm still here when you go to sleep?" Embry tried.

"Correction, you're there when I'm already asleep Em, and if I'm lucky, I get to see you in the morning for an hour before you leave again." I grabbed my lunch from the fridge walked towards the sofa to fetch my jumper.

"Okay point taken, but it'll be over soon, and then we'll just go back to how we were before those idiots showed up. I know it's really frustrating now," Embry sat on the stairs watching me walk around hurriedly.

I let out a frustrated sigh. Where the hell was my textbook for creative writing?

"Of course it's frustrating! I don't remember signing up for any of this! I came here to finish a degree and now I can't even go to my classes without a bodyguard! And where the hell is my book?" I threw a comforter to the side while searching his sofa getting more and more agitated.

"You know it's necessary to have someone with you when you go to classes Nica." He sounded like he was done with this discussion and probably was since it wasn't exactly the first time we'd had it.

"I KNOW! GOD! Sometimes I wish I'd never actually come here!" I didn't even look at him when I said it. I didn't mean it either. But his silence stopped my movement as I fully registered what I'd just said. His eyes said it all. His posture was ridged and he was biting the inside of his cheek not looking at me. I dropped my bag on the sofa and walked over to him, held his head in my hands trying to force him to look at me.

"I'm sorry Em, I didn't mean that…Look at me…I really didn't. I just…I just wish things were different right now. I'm sorry."

His body gradually relaxed and his tension was released by each sentence. He let out a long and deep sigh.

"I know you didn't, just…don't say stuff like that…please." He still didn't look me in the eyes.

"I'm sorry…I was just frustrated." We kept still like that for a bit, resting our foreheads together and breathing in and out until we were both calmed down.

"Why don't we just stay home together today?" I asked, thinking it would be just what we needed. It felt like there was something unfinished and in need of urgent care. Maybe even damage control, but I wasn't sure what it was. It was just a feeling.

"I don't think we can…you have classes and I-"

"-Have patrolling…I know…" I finished for him.

Just as if on queue, Kim knocked on the doorframe, getting our attention.

"Hey guys…ready Nica?" She seemed to know she'd just stepped into a delicate situation, and sent us a small comforting smile.

I let go of Embry and went over to get my bag from the sofa. I looked back at him briefly when walking out the door, saying a small "bye" which was met with a sad side-smile and a tiny wave that almost shouldn't be called a wave.

We sat in the car on our way to classes and Kim had been side glancing at me the whole time. I sat there in a slumped position with my head resting against the window.

"Just say it Kim," I said in a calm voice.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" she tried carefully.

I let out a deep sigh.

"Yeah I do…but I can't because we're not exactly alone…"

Kim looked back at Paul who sent her a smile that seemed to say sorry.

"It'll change soon…it'll be over then."

"I know…I just…we argue all the time."

"I know…I hate not seeing Jared as much as before…"

"It's just that…it's been like this a while now…it feels like it's who we are now…" Kim looked at me as if she wanted to say something, tell me I was wrong, but she kept her mouth shut.

The rest of the way was in driven in silence and I drifted in and out of sleep only realizing so, because the song on the radio had changed.

That day seemed longer than most, and I was caught countless times daydreaming instead of paying attention to the teachers.

The drive home wasn't too different from the drive there, but I was texting Jules who had been picking up on the mood I was in and wanted to know what was going on. I told her that it was just boyfriend trouble and her response was typical Jules. First heartfelt, then an attempt to lighten the mood by saying I should just stay single like her. I did smile, because we both knew she didn't stay single voluntarily. I considered setting her up with one of the guys from the Rez but then had a shameful thought of not wanting to inflict the burden on her that inevitably followed. I was ashamed of that thought because I for a brief moment thought that I wouldn't have chosen this life for myself. My mind was really fucked up when we entered the Rez and when I told Kim to drop me off at my own place instead of Embry's she shot me a very worried look.

"Are you sure?" she asked, clearly hoping I'd change my mind.

"Yeah…I'm sure."

I was dropped off at my own house and took a deep breath when I walked through the door, inhaling all the now familiar smells. I felt it calm me down a bit, and I let myself slide down the door with my back turned against it.

I don't know for how long I sat there, but when I got up, I was sore and the darkness had taken over though out the house. I didn't have anything in the fridge, but I had some cup-noodles in the cupboard.

As I ate curled up on the sofa, I watched a romantic film I had watched a million times before. 'French kiss' was the name of it. It told the tale of a strong-minded woman who fought to get her fiancé back, even though he clearly wasn't meant for her. And along the way she meets a man who's rough around the edges but charming and caring, though he'd never admit it himself. Done eating, I felt consumed by the film, in fact so much that I didn't even hear the door open and close.

I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder and coward away from it looking up towards the owner.

"It's just me," Embry said in a calm voice.

I looked into his eyes. There was something I couldn't place, but it almost looked like fear. He shouldn't be back from patrolling yet so I knew something was wrong.

He walked around the sofa and crouched down in front of me, his hand sliding from my shoulder to my hand, holding it while looking into my eyes.

"Look at me…tell me what you see," he said, in a careful tone.

I searched his eyes.

"I see fear…" I said, not sure what he wanted me to say besides that.

His eyes flickered a second before he continued:

"What else…"

"…I don't know…"

He kept looking into my eyes and I could tell he had a burning question and that he was afraid to ask me.

"Are you leaving me Nica…?"

His voice didn't even waver. It didn't crumble to his fear of the answer. It was strong and even, but not confident or loud.

I felt my mouth dry and I could barely think.

"I…I-I…" my mind clouded and words wouldn't come out. I couldn't look him in the eyes, and he let go of my hand.

We sat in silence for a while. I felt my eyes well up and I tried to figure out what to say. How to go back before everything became this hard.

He got up from where he was sitting, still not looking at me. I could see he was trying to say something, he kept opening his mouth a bit, but nothing but a strangled noise came out. It sounded a bit like pain. I think it was.

He started moving towards the door and I shot up from my seat panicking.

"Please Embry…don't go! Stay, please!" I begged, and felt the first tear fall.

He stopped, with his back turned towards me. I heard him sniffing briefly.

"I can't…I can't stay if you're leaving." His voice was small but I could tell he meant it.

"I don't know what to do Embry…I just need a bit of time…" I said in almost a whisper, my voice effected because I was crying. I moved closer to his still turned back.

"And you don't…you don't think your silence said it all?" he asked with his head turned a bit, not fully facing me though.

I didn't know what to say again. I reached out, trying to touch him.

"Don't," Embry whispered just before my fingers reached his shirt.

"But…right now you're the one leaving Embry…" I said just a low as him.

"Don't do that. Don't pretend it's me doubting this…us." He sounded angry but mostly hurt.

"I just…I don't have all the answers yet…I don't know if-"

"-If you're leaving me!" he finished.

He let out a sigh, and then wiped his eyes in a quick and angry way.

"Maybe that's the answer!"

And with that he stormed out of the door. It took me a moment to fathom what had just happened. I ran out after him calling his name, but he didn't stop. He shifted and disappeared into the woods and I was left there in the dark starring into the trees.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I knew what had happened, but I felt paralyzed, stuck to the gravel in my driveway. I don't know for how long I stood there, but Kim came running after a while towards me and approached me carefully. I assumed Jared had heard what had happened and sent Kim to see me.

She put an arm around me and just as she did I broke down. I crumbled to the ground and cried so hard I barely gave myself time enough to breathe. She held me as tightly as she could and kept whispering that it would be okay, that we'd figure it out and not to worry it wasn't the end of him and me.

After what seemed like an hour but must have been about 20 minutes in reality, she helped me inside and took me to bed.

"He just needs to cool off, I'm sure of it!" She said while stroking my back in a comforting way.

"I should have said something. Made him stay…" I said my voice raw from the continuous crying.

"He was upset, and he needed to get away Nica. They do this when they get upset…they're afraid they'll do what Sam did to Emily…that's why they need distance…"

I thought about it. I had been told about the argument that had made Sam so angry that he had slashed his girlfriends face open, and how lucky she was that she'd not lost her sight. He would never forgive himself for that, even after she did.

"But…we're broken up now Kim…how did everything get so messed up?"

Kim shushed me quietly and held me closer while I started crying again.

"It's not the end of you two Nica…you'll figure it out! Maybe even tomorrow already."

She stayed the night and held me until I stopped crying and fell asleep.

I woke up feeling sore all over. It felt like every bone in my body was aching. I opened my eyes and at first felt confused because Embry wasn't there. But then I remembered what had happened the night before and my throat closed up as my eyes started to well up again. Everything was so fucked up. Kim moved next to me and I realized that she'd stayed because I was upset the night before.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" She asked, sleep still holding on to her voice.

"I'm not sure…I can't believe it happened," I said. I sat fidgeting with the edge of the covers trying not to cry again.

"I think I'm gonna go for a walk…you know…to clear my head…do you mind?"

Kim looked at me with a small sad smile.

"No of course not…take all the time you need…want me to stay here until you get back or?"

We both sat with our backs against the headboard.

"No that's okay…you should go home to Jared…it's enough that one of us is now single, go nurse your relationship," I joked, or at least attempted to joke. Kim sent me a crooked smile.

"You guy's will figure it out…and in the meantime, you should figure out what you want…for everybody's sake."

A pang of guilt ran through me, and I couldn't look her in the eyes. Instead I nodded and got up to get dressed in a warm knitted jumper and long denim trousers so I could just brush my teeth and be on my way out.

A couple of days passed and I didn't have any contact with him. I woke up from nightmares and slept horribly. I knew I should reach out and talk to him, but I had no idea what to say. I needed time to figure this whole thing out and figure out what I wanted to do. Taking walks was helping me clear my head and Kim was there for me to hear my gradual progress. We went to our classes and life was getting normal. Paul was always with us when we went into town. He was kind enough to not give his opinion on what had happened or tell me how Embry was doing. That day I had come home to a bag on my porch. It was filled with the things I had left at Embry's house.

It had been a week since that night we broke up and talking a walk every day had become my way of coping with my thoughts and that day I did something that I hadn't done in a while. I put in headphones, turned my phone onto fly mode and basically unplugged from everything around me. I just walked. Through the woods, passing tree after tree and went deeper than I'd ever gone before. The woods seemed to swallow me up and it took my mind with it. I needed to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I loved Embry, I knew that much. But why couldn't I tell him that night if I was leaving him or not? What was holding me back?

I thought about my life up until now. I had been looking for a family and a place to belong since I was 17 years old, but I had also been running away from it. I almost found it with Tom, but his betrayal had made me question everything about myself again. I didn't think I was worth anything, or that anyone could love me, like I loved them. And that's when it hit me. I didn't really believe Embry loved me.

I know it sounds crazy, I thought it was too. I stopped dead in my tracks and starred at nothing while I just thought.

I doubted his love for me because of the imprint. Was he brainwashed by his DNA or supernatural side or whatever thing that made him imprint on me or did he truly love the person I was? And did it matter if it was just the imprint? It was still love…right?

I started breathing faster because I couldn't figure it out. I didn't know how to tell the difference between real-love and just imprint-love. And what if there was no difference? Or maybe there COULD be a difference but there wasn't in this case? I needed to figure out what I wanted!

My mind was so clouded and I couldn't think straight. I had begun walking again without realizing, and found myself in front of a deep rift in the ground with a tiny clearing in front of it. There was perhaps a hundred meters down and it was at least 6 meters wide. My fear of heights created a tiny pull in my stomach and I took a step back and let out a deep breath. I looked around me and saw a knocked over tree and decided to sit.

"I can't live like this…" I said out loud.

Lost in thought I took out my phone, turned it off fly mode and saw the messages tick in. Three from Kim, saying reassuring things. Non from the one person I wanted to hear from the most.

"Nica,"

I whipped my head around towards the voice that had just said my name and stood up in one quick motion.

I thought to scream and wondered why I wasn't already. It wasn't until his hand was covering my mouth in a strong almost painful grip that I realized I already was.

"Don't be scared…" his voice was silky and tempting.

I shivered against his cold dead skin and my eyes couldn't leave his golden ones. He shushed me still covering my mouth. I couldn't move and noticed the cold on my arms as well. I looked to the sides and there were more of them.

"Don't scream…I'm going to let go, but please don't scream," the cold man said to me. I'd never seen him before, but I knew what he was. He took his hand off my mouth slowly and held his eye contact as if he could read my mind if he stared into them long enough.

"You don't have to be scared, we have no intention of hurting you," the one on the right said to me still holding my hand though. It was a woman with short-ish hair and a warm smile.

"What do you want from me?" I asked in a tiny voice.

"We want to talk to you." The one in front of me said and continued; "My name is Edward, this is Alice and Jasper…I believe you've met Esme and Carlisle," he gestured towards a couple behind him I recognized as the vampires from the supermarket.

"Why me?" I asked. I was scared…everything I'd been told about these cold ones made me believe they would kill me for even blinking too much.

"You're as impartial as it's possible to be when you're in a pack like the one in the reservation. Besides, you're one of the few ones that can't change into something that can rip our heads of in one bite." He smiled at me. I felt myself smile back a tiny bit.

"You're wondering why where here, and it's probably best to get straight to it if we want to make it before the dogs come running to your aid." Edward said. Alice took over the conversation.

"We're here to check up on a person who once belonged to our family. She's now part of yours but that doesn't mean we don't still care for her…I'm usually able to see how she is once in a while when my visions aren't blocked by her…mate…" I was insanely confused. Not by whom they meant, it was obviously Bella they were talking about but had this Alice woman been spying on her?

Edward looked at me again as if he could look into my mind, and perhaps he could cause the next thing he said was: "Alice has the ability to see possible outcomes of the future…we call them visions. One reason for them to stop happening is if a person is close to a shape shifter like the wolves, or if…if that person…is no longer with us…"

I squinted at him, first not sure what he was getting at.

"Oh shit, you think Bella died?" I asked wide-eyed.

"That was our concern, yes," Carlisle said, holding a comforting arm around Esme.

They all looked at each other and genuinely looked concerned all of them. Really worried actually.

"No, no Bella's fine! Better than fine actually…she's…well, she's pregnant and happy and all that…" I said with knitted brows, not sure how to convince them she was okay.

"Pregnant?" Alice asked with big eyes.

"Yeah…I'm not sure exactly how far along she is by but she's healthy and happy…" I said. They looked around at each other again but with relief on their faces.

"She truly belongs to that family now, that's why we can't see her future anymore," Carlisle said to the other cold ones and Edward looked sad but accepting. Alice put a comforting hand on his shoulder and offered him a smile.

"We should let her go entirely now then…" This was Carlisle who spoke. It sent a ripple through the others of nods and small smiles.

"That's why you came? Why you've been here for weeks…?" I asked, and secretly wondered if they'd go away now they knew she was okay.

"Yes…and we'll be on our way again before you know it, and this time…we're not coming back. You have my word," Edward said.

His eyes were sad and I felt drawn to them.

"I promise he's taking very good care of her…she's loved every single day…" I don't know what made me say it. He just looked broken, and I completely forgot how scared I had been of them. It felt like my mood was lifting, but I didn't know what caused it.

"Ah yes…the imprint-love in it's purest form…" he said, still sounding sad.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing…we better go, they're getting close," Edward said to the others, and they all nodded.

"It was a pleasure Miss," Jasper said in a southern accent and did a polite small bow with his head. Carlisle came over to me and held out his hand for me to take.

"Please tell them we're sorry for the disturbance we've caused…we just had to know…she was once ours to protect…that doesn't just go away."

I shook his hand, and nodded, promising I'd tell them. He sent me a warm inviting smile and then they were on their way. They disappeared so fast that I wondered for a split second if they had even been there.

Just then four wolves came storming through the woods and into the tiny clearing by the ledge. I made a jump and let out a tiny yelp. They all shifted back to their human form and I looked away as they got dressed in the shorts they always had tied to their leg. In a fleeting thought I remembered thinking how impractical it was when I first saw that.

I noticed Embry first and my body went through a rollercoaster of emotions.

"Are you hurt?!" Embry said grabbing my arms and checking me all over.

"Embry I'm okay…they didn't do anything, they just wanted to talk."

He looked at me like I'd gone insane.

"What they just wanted to talk? What the hell? Their stench is all over you Nica! Are you trying to tell me they didn't touch you?" He sounded so angry, and his grip on my arm tightened.

"No, no they did touch me but it didn't hurt…that came out wrong," I tried again, "They just like held onto me so I didn't run…that sounds bad too…just, fuck…forget that part, they came to talk and they've left for good now!"

"What did they say?"

The rest of the pack that gathered around me, listening as well. Embry let go of me and I told them everything that had happened and had been said.

"And it was weird cause I wasn't really scared of them, and they were really…polite…" I said, ending my story. Jake had looked like he was going to explode when I had told them they had been here to talk about Bella, but seemed satisfied by the fact that they were going to leave her alone for good now that they recognized her as a part of his pack.

"One of them has the ability to manipulate your emotions, that's why you weren't scared," Jared chimed in.

Embry walked away a bit.

"So it's all over now?" Quil asked looking at us.

"Yeah I think so…they're gone and said they won't come back…" My voice was small and I knew they all picked up on it.

"It's over…Quil, Jared why don't we head back…" Jacob said. It wasn't really a question, more like an order.

Embry and I were left there together. He was still not looking at me.

"Will you walk me home?" I asked.

He looked up for the first time but only shortly.

"Sure…it's getting dark soon…we should go now."

He had taken last night a lot harder than I had imagined. I thought he mainly just needed to cool down from our fight, but now I wasn't so sure.

We had been walking for half an hour without saying a word, and I suspected there to be about 15 minutes left of our walk. I had to say something. The silence between us was excruciating.

"I'm sorry Em…about all of it…" I said, my voice small but filled with truth.

He didn't respond. It broke my heart. A few minutes went by again before he said something.

"We should be there soon…"

"Okay…" I didn't know what else to say.

We walked through the gravel and pictures from that night ran through my head.

"I should go," he said behind me. I turned around. He didn't look at me and stood with his hands in the pockets of his black jeans.

"It was nice to see you…" I said in a soft voice, hoping he'd say something. When he didn't I just said: "Thank you for walking me home."

"You're welcome."

He voice was monotone and foreign to me. He turned around and started walking away. I felt like I was watching him leave me again, just like that night and my eyes started watering.

I closed the door behind me and whispered to myself: "I can't do this anymore…"

I went to bed and woke up around midday feeling extra sore that day. I didn't get much sleep because my mind kept racing.

I called Kim.

"Are you okay?"

She'd obviously heard what had happened last night and I reassured her. We talked about it for a while, while I walked around in my bedroom.

"I'm just happy it's over and everything can go back to normal," Kim said.

I held a pause. She noticed.

"What? What are you thinking about?"

"It…it won't really go back to normal." I looked at my bags on my bed. I had already filled one of them while talking to her.

"What do you mean?"

I sat down on my bed.

"You told me to figure out what I wanted for everybody's sake…and…and I've made up my mind."

"No…don't…don't tell me you're leaving…" Kim's voice was small and sad. It broke my heart.

"I'm sorry…I just can't do this… I'm the one who's broken and he's…he's fine…he barely even looks at me when I'm there and I just can't see how I'm gonna fix this."

She sniffled. So did I.

"You shouldn't leave just because of him…"

"I know…but I'm gonna move on…just like I always do…this is who I am."

"Are you sure you're not running away Nica?" Kim asked.

I felt a tug in my stomach.

"This is who I am…" I repeated, "I move from place to place. This is no different then all those other times."

Kim let out a sigh and sniffled once more. I could tell she was crying just like me.

I heard Jared in the background.

"I'll come by and say goodbye when I'm done packing…okay?"

"Okay…" it was close to a whisper.

All packed two hours later I took the bags to my truck. I brought some of the things I had bought for the house to remember it by. I realized that I had really loved this house. I hopped in and drove towards Kim and Jared's house.

They we're outside already when I got there. Jared had his arm around Kim to comfort her. She was already crying and I started crying again seeing this.

I got out and walked over to them.

Kim held me in a tight hug.

"Please don't go Nica…" She said.

"I'm so sorry…I have to…" I said my voice strangled from my crying.

We stood like that for a while and when she let go, Jared did the same thing.

"You don't have to do this, you know?" He said.

"I think I do…it's all too messed up…" I said looking into his eyes. He looked like he had some sort of inner battle but didn't say anything.

"I have to get going…"

I took out the key for my house. Well…Billy's house.

"Would you do me a favor and give this to Billy?" I asked and gave it to Kim.

"Sure…I'm gonna miss you so much Nica…" Kim said holding on to my hand.

"I'll stay in touch, I promise…"

With one last hug and a lot of tears I drove away and out of the Rez. I cried the whole way.

I headed for Seattle and it took me just over 4 hours getting there. I had to stop at one point due to crying too much. I took out my phone to look up cheap hotels after deciding I didn't want to sleep in my tent after all that had happened that day. I just wanted a good night's sleep. I had two messages. I expected them to be from Kim. One of them was, reminding me of staying in contact. The other was from Embry.

*I'm sorry*

That's all it said. I'm sorry. I didn't know whether to respond or not…I did.

*Me too…*

I didn't know what else to say. I checked into the hotel I had chosen and sat on the bed. It was quite nice and had a TV. I tried watching some, but my mind kept drifting off.

I just sat in silence.

Days went by like that and I texted Kim everyday. She'd stopped suggesting that I could just come back and I had stopped telling her I wouldn't. For some reason I had stayed in Seattle. I couldn't decide where to go. Usually my mind drifted off to a place and that's how I knew that that was the place to go. But this time it didn't come to me. I was just wandering around in Seattle, looking for jobs and generally moving around from hotel to hotel, until I found an affordable room to rent. I had a roommate who luckily wasn't there during the day because of work and most nights she stayed at her boyfriends place. So most of the time I had the place to myself.

It had been a three weeks since I left the Rez and I was still in Seattle. I was tidying up in my room and emptying the last bag, which I for some reason hadn't gotten around to. I had almost emptied it when I found my book "Wild". The book that always made me want to pack up and leave for my next adventure. I felt the itch build in my body and felt for it. It disappeared before it told me anything, and I put the book next to me on the bed with a sigh. I got up and started making dinner.

As I sat in bed that night I took the book in my hands again and flipped through the pages. It was just past nine o'clock. I felt the itch again, and tried not to think too much about it, letting it take over my mind. I felt it then. I knew where to go, and I wanted to go now. I got up and got dressed quickly.

Not long after I was in my truck. It had never felt this clear before when I thought of where to go. Hours went by, while the music from the radio played some of my favorite tunes. I looked over at the tiny bag i had packed thinking I'd have to go back for the rest of it if this went well. I reached my destination in just under four hours and my stomach flipped and warmth spread through it when I saw the sign. La Push.

I drove up towards his house in the middle on the night and saw the light being turned on in the bedroom. I practically jumped out of the car and ran to his front door. After waiting shortly he came to the door and stood there just looking at me with huge eyes.

"Embry…" I started. He still just stared at me, mouth agape.

"I'm so sorry…I should have fought more for us… I'm sor-" I was cut off by his lips on mine. I held onto him as if letting go would be forever, and his hands did the same.

He broke the kiss and rested his forehead on mine.

"I was so angry…I should be the one to apologize…the anger was the only thing that helped with the pain" He said.

"I'm sorry I left…I'm sorry for all this mess…I didn't think you…I thought you were fine…" I said.

He looked at me with knitted brows.

"What made you change your mind?"

"I realized that…that I really wasn't fine…and if I wanted to be then I had to fight for you…because I love you and I don't care how much I'm gonna have to fight for that."

He smiled and kissed me again.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear that."

I smiled, and then a worrying thought came into my head.

"You said the anger helped with the pain?" I asked my eyes probably showing my worry.

"Yeah...it's...quite painful to be away from your imprint..." he said, and I could tell he didn't want me to worry.

"There is something I need to know…" I said, scared to even ask.

"What?"

"Are…are you in love with me because of the imprint? Or do you love all of me and not just…just because something tells you to love me…?

"It's…it's not like that…There's something that tells me that you're perfect for me, but whether that's as a friend or something more…that's up to us…so, yes…I'm in love with all of you and that will never change…"

He stroked my cheek.

"I'm so relieved," I said, letting out a deep breath, "Because…I'm done Em…I'm done running…I know I'm gonna freak out over something and we're gonna fight about things that you think are stupid and I'm gonna be angry for ridiculous reasons, but I'm here to stay…I know that now."

He looked at me with his deep brown eyes.

"You're sure?" was all he said.

"Yes…I love you, and I've never been so sure about anything in my life."

He grabbed my face with both his hands and kissed me. My ridged body finally let go of everything and I melted into the kiss and his warmth.

He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against mine again.

"I just realized something," I whispered.

"Mmhh?"

"I don't care what house we live in…being here when you hold me, that's when I feel at home," I knew it sounded cheesy, but it was truly how I felt. I didn't care which house we lived in, what city or what part of the world. I just wanted to be with Embry and whenever he held his arms around me I felt safe, loved, relaxed and carefree. In other words - Home.

The End...

 **/AN: Hey guys, i can't believe it's over after like two years... but here it is.. I'm working on an idea for an Epilogue, but i don't know if it's needed/wanted, so let me know if you'd like to know what happened in the future.**

 **I'm also starting a new project which won't be Twilight, but still with an AU-character as the main person, so look out for that.**

 **It has been a pleasure to write this, and I've learned so much during it. Thank you for your comments and reviews, i really do appreciate it!**

 **As always - good vibes guys - DN**


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